stuff and kickstart my heart

[obliviousally]

i keep wanting to write about finn, about my mom, something, idk. instead, i keep scrolling thru dead parent and grief insta reels, rolling back and forth between 'i don't feel like this at all' and 'this is EXACTLY what it feels like', but still just kind of feeling the same empty inside that i have for years so idk what that's all about

driftercat is getting neutered tomorrow, i'm helping friend chris install a water heater, then i'm closing at work (half shift). life things are fine, continuing as normal. i just keep wanting to send my mom cat photos or tell her about something i did or that i'm working on and i just have to be angry instead that i can't

i still have to bring emmie here, i still have to find a home for moonshine. i still have to get her ashes from warren (they're with family atm). i still have to do something with the house, with the car, and all i keep wanting to do is ask her for advice on how to do it b/c she'd have something at the ready