stuff and surreal surreal surreal

[obliviousally]

this last week has been surreal

i came out to warren on, uh, tuesday i think? my mom got moved to hospice monday night and the facility gave me a call tuesday morning to e-sign intake paperwork. i also spoke to the hospice nurse who told me, y'know, it'd be ideal for me to be in town and to come visit her. i'd been in cleveland to visit on the sunday prior and she was kinda still with it, but the decline has been SO fast and by the time she was in hospice she wasn't really talking at all (or, like, she would be trying to talk, but couldn't really speak). so i took the day off and poked at chris to give me a ride into warren b/c the car wasn't charged and tony wasn't comfortable driving in the snow

tuesday evening, donna (bud's...sister? i think she's actually his aunt, but they were the same age and raised together - the family ties are weird in bud's family), jenna (donna's wife), and nikki (bud's relation, iirc, but she calls herself my mom's cousin/pisces-sister lol) were at the hospice facility with me, but me and nikki went home and donna and jenna stayed the night. on new year's eve, me, donna, jenna, and lydia (bud's bio-kid, my step-sister) all stayed over b/c the weather/roads were SO bad and the hospice nurse said, you know, she was probably close. maybe a couple hours. i slept on the floor of the room (which wasn't as bad as it could've been lol) and at one point in the middle of the night she asked for me, so i sat up with her for awhile



on new year's day, i stayed out there by myself after folks left in the afternoon. but prior to that, my youngest sister adri reached out on fb and asked if she could come see her. which, obv, i was gracious about. adri is the only one who's ever made an attempt to reconnect with my mom, sabrina and robbie have been hard no contact the whole time (which, like, i also don't blame them, shit's just complicated). so she came down from cleveland and we talked a little bit and i let her have all the time she needed alone to talk to my (our) mom. it was just, idk, surreal. the whole thing, surreal lol. it wasn't a negative thing, at all, mostly bittersweet

i slept there new year's day night, but i got to sleep on the other bed this time at least lol. i spent a lot of the night kind of glancing over going 'is she still.....oh, yeah, still breathing' and playing music all night. it was pretty peaceful, she seemed like she rested well that evening



on the 2nd, the nurses adjusted her a bit and cleaned her up and she was a bit more animated (likely partially from the discomfort) before getting her morphine. her friend cat came out to visit, as well. i went back to the house in the afternoon (jenna stopped at aldi for me to grab some real food lol). i got antsy midday and took the bus downtown to return the elfquest books i'd checked out from the library when i was out here after thanksgiving, then walked around a bit. stopped at the comic book store and bullshat with greg for a minute, took the back shortcut walk between the library and my gma's old place on porter st (also where my mom and i used to live, in the house next door), went to the mocha house for some treats, walked down to my favorite cemeteries and took some photos, then walked back to my mom's place and took a long, hot bath and hung out with the cats



i was gonna go back out to hospice today, but i've been hacking and coughing (i'm still SO congested from my cold before xmas) and i opted to take a day where i just chill out and don't do fuckin anything and i think that's been a good plan

but i've got some thai coconut chicken and cilantro lime rice, so i'm gonna have that for dinner and sit around with the cats and re-watch buzzfeed unsolved lol


little miss emmie lou + miss moonshine