oh, mama raised me well

this last week has been surreal

i came out to warren on, uh, tuesday i think? my mom got moved to hospice monday night and the facility gave me a call tuesday morning to e-sign intake paperwork. i also spoke to the hospice nurse who told me, y'know, it'd be ideal for me to be in town and to come visit her. i'd been in cleveland to visit on the sunday prior and she was kinda still with it, but the decline has been SO fast and by the time she was in hospice she wasn't really talking at all (or, like, she would be trying to talk, but couldn't really speak). so i took the day off and poked at chris to give me a ride into warren b/c the car wasn't charged and tony wasn't comfortable driving in the snow

tuesday evening, donna (bud's...sister? i think she's actually his aunt, but they were the same age and raised together - the family ties are weird in bud's family), jenna (donna's wife), and nikki (bud's relation, iirc, but she calls herself my mom's cousin/pisces-sister lol) were at the hospice facility with me, but me and nikki went home and donna and jenna stayed the night. on new year's eve, me, donna, jenna, and lydia (bud's bio-kid, my step-sister) all stayed over b/c the weather/roads were SO bad and the hospice nurse said, you know, she was probably close. maybe a couple hours. i slept on the floor of the room (which wasn't as bad as it could've been lol) and at one point in the middle of the night she asked for me, so i sat up with her for awhile



on new year's day, i stayed out there by myself after folks left in the afternoon. but prior to that, my youngest sister adri reached out on fb and asked if she could come see her. which, obv, i was gracious about. adri is the only one who's ever made an attempt to reconnect with my mom, sabrina and robbie have been hard no contact the whole time (which, like, i also don't blame them, shit's just complicated). so she came down from cleveland and we talked a little bit and i let her have all the time she needed alone to talk to my (our) mom. it was just, idk, surreal. the whole thing, surreal lol. it wasn't a negative thing, at all, mostly bittersweet

i slept there new year's day night, but i got to sleep on the other bed this time at least lol. i spent a lot of the night kind of glancing over going 'is she still.....oh, yeah, still breathing' and playing music all night. it was pretty peaceful, she seemed like she rested well that evening



on the 2nd, the nurses adjusted her a bit and cleaned her up and she was a bit more animated (likely partially from the discomfort) before getting her morphine. her friend cat came out to visit, as well. i went back to the house in the afternoon (jenna stopped at aldi for me to grab some real food lol). i got antsy midday and took the bus downtown to return the elfquest books i'd checked out from the library when i was out here after thanksgiving, then walked around a bit. stopped at the comic book store and bullshat with greg for a minute, took the back shortcut walk between the library and my gma's old place on porter st (also where my mom and i used to live, in the house next door), went to the mocha house for some treats, walked down to my favorite cemeteries and took some photos, then walked back to my mom's place and took a long, hot bath and hung out with the cats



i was gonna go back out to hospice today, but i've been hacking and coughing (i'm still SO congested from my cold before xmas) and i opted to take a day where i just chill out and don't do fuckin anything and i think that's been a good plan

but i've got some thai coconut chicken and cilantro lime rice, so i'm gonna have that for dinner and sit around with the cats and re-watch buzzfeed unsolved lol


little miss emmie lou + miss moonshine

december was filled with cats, some surprises, but also my mom's health declining faster than any of us ever anticipated

lots and lots of cat pics

there's another cat in the house after a five-person manhunt around the neighborhood for him, pet-sat for friends, not enjoying the weather finally cooling off, some art has happened, grand jury duty finished up shortly,

furrest city mini-con happened last month (which i rambled about here). i started grand jury duty for two months, so i'm downtown a lot. and i got an ebike! so i've been out and about a TON

august always feels like there's nothing going on, but then suddenly ALL the things are happening in august x_x

dean passed away last month. i kept meaning to write about it, and write about him, but at the end it felt like a bit of a relief that he went so quickly. he'd gotten so skinny and he was so ravenous all the time and i suspect he had a thyroid issue, but i couldn't afford to get him checked out to be sure. so we tried our best at home and he was happy (and demanding!) and well fed up until the last day or two when he started acting a little senile and trying to hide in weird places. we knew it was coming soon

i had my grand jury interview and then work on a day where he'd been acting iffy. we were kind of counting down when it was going to happen b/c he was still acting normal otherwise, just wanted to hide somewhere stupid, and he'd acted similar in the past when he hadn't felt well. tony had messaged me to let me know he confined him to his room and, later on (like, a HALF HOUR before i got off work), let me know that he'd passed peacefully

i came home and realized i did not have a decent shovel to dig a hole for him with, so bussed out and grabbed one from the hardware store, then came back and spent the rest of the daylight digging him a spot

i'd gotten one pic of the three of them on the porch that morning (dean yearning to find somewhere outside to flee to and die, clearly)



beans was a fatty, a cuddler, a top tier supervisor who loved to, like, be involved if you were cooking or cleaning or moving things around. he was always in the kitchen when i made dinner (waiting for a much beloved nip of 'chikky'). he was always observing things if i was moving stuff around or cleaning and reorganizing. he liked to sit on tables and stands and chairs that were being moved and go along for the ride.

he LOVED tony - he loved me, but tony was his person (even if he also constantly wanted to fite him). he also loved to cuddle when the weather started to cool, especially inside of my sweatshirts or blankets. he liked to spoon with you and hold your arm/hand when he did so. he'd often sleep between us, if he could. he joined us every night for dinner in bed, immediately taking up space in my lap while i was eating so he could take a nap

his favorite toys were 'weedles' (pipe cleaners) and the catnip stuffed toys - especially the heart and the fishies. he loved feathers on strings and jumping around after them (if finn didn't spot them first). he also loved eating cobwebs. don't know what that one's about



he was sixteen or so, which is a good long life for a cat. and it feels like an eternity and also a blip at the same time. he seemed like he was always a kitten until one day, suddenly, he was an old man. and that was probably around 14-15 lol. i am sad he's gone, but i am so, so happy we got such a long time with him in the first place

didn't do a ton this month. no anthrocon, but tried to get out and about. went in to warren for a weekend. beans passed away, but at sixteen, that's a good long life for a cat

ran out and about today a little bit because i was off and it was nice (was i also off for a week and a half nearly up until this past tuesday? yes). tony wanted to go down and see the weinermobile, but the car was being a pain (battery needed charged), so i zipped down and took some pictures



also scooty'ed around a little and went to northside marketplace and browsed (i kept thinking the rolled ice cream place was still there, because i really wanted some ice cream, but it is not)



on the way back, i noticed an open door and a pulled back piece of fence off the towpath of the little rubber production place that burned down last year, so i peeped in and took some photos (i didn't want to go cavorting around in just sandals lol)




then scooty'ed back up to highland square and put up a bunch of zines and stickers around. stopped at angel falls and got a cold drink (they don't have chai freezes anymore!!! i literally JUST learned they made them and now they've taken them away ;_;) and a snack before coming back home to laze around all afternoon

beans was doing REALLY badly yesterday and this morning, but he's bounced back quite a bit and is demanding churu (what i was giving him b/c he wasn't interested in his sheba) and shouting about things, which is good to see. he's 16 (SIXTEEN!!!), so very significantly elderly, so it's not a surprise when his health dips a bit, but still very much a 'please don't hide somewhere stupid and die you little shithead'

oryx (whom is huge now, she's about a year, give or take, we think she was probably born in july, we acquired her at the end of august) was feeling under the weather the last couple days, as well, b/c she kept licking her flea meds like and idiot, but she's also back to normal as far as we can tell as well

finn just lives on the porch now that the weather is nice and rotates his sleeping spots every couple days so that i get confused when i can't find him

lots of cat pics this month

i've been meaning to make a post for, like, the last two weeks lol

random things happening

the shitty feral neighbors moved!!!!!!!!!!!!! the handyman told me that they paid their rent up thru june and would be moving by july but it turns out they broke the lease and bailed last week b/c tony reported people whose voices he didn't recognize in the house over there complaining loudly about how awful it was.

turns out, it was their UPSTAIRS neighbors (i was under the assumption that, kind of, everyone i saw over there was part of the whole house and the shitty neighbors had somehow rented the whole place) who are cleaning the lower place out and moving in there? idk if the landlord is renting them the whole place or what exactly is going on, but they're chiller and SO much quieter than the ferals, so that's already a huge improvement

not making it to anthrocon this year, which is a real bummer. my mom can't watch the house (for a couple reasons) and the cats and i can't pay anyone fairly to have to feed beans so frequently lol. if it were just finn and oryx, i could ask someone to stop by and make sure their dishes are full and scoop the box, but beans needs extra care AND he's prone to pooping in the kitchen/outside the litter box and i can't afford to pay someone to deal with that

tony and i got out for a walk the other day, stopped at the little metaphysical shop down the road from us that i've NEVER gone in since moving here lol - very nice little place, chill owners, and they have a cute black catten named chance!! we also stopped at circle k and got taquitos and walked over to the cemetery to eat them where a HAWK landed on a tombstone near us before flying off real low




beginning of the month was, apparently, the 100 year anniversary of the first goodyear blimp flight, so they had all three blimps out taking loops around the city. i got some good photos of them above my workplace and it was pretty cool to see them out together in formation

in the first pic, there's a tiny speck off to the left of the blimp on the left-hand side - that's the helicopter that was doing the route with them to get photo/video and stuff. so tiny in comparison!




i biked up out to merriman falls at the end of last month and the ride OUT there was so nice, it didn't even feel like i was exerting myself, but the ride back felt ROUGH lol it also doesn't help the very end of it before i get to the house, i have to basically walk the bike up the hills in the neighborhood back there so i get home and i'm just D-E-D dead

but on the way out i stopped at each of the trailheads (which is, like, 3 + big bend b/c there's a nice little wooden deck to chill out on and it's about the halfway point)

while in merriman valley, stopped at the happy tails thrift and got a cute scarf, two card decks, some nice embroidery thread, and some wool balls for oryx (she keeps stealing the dryer balls)




after dealing with some shipping bullshit, tony's birthday presents for me finally showed up lol - he'd originally ordered a richard siken zine from someone on etsy and it never showed up, he contacted the seller and they re-sent one and IT never showed up, so eventually he had to request a refund and the seller got real shitty/guilt-trippy about it. like, sorry!!! i would've loved to have had the zine, but idk why nothing you've sent has gotten here, soooooo....

the keychain, postcard, and spooky stickers are from Enthralledyet and the opossum stickers are by niipon! he said he ALMOST bought me one of these shirt, both of which i lost my mind at



i have also acquired a bunch more chickensmoothie uma stuff lol













finally, here's some unfinished sketches from this year so far

saw the crane wives with sam, got the bike out and went to the thrift, got some art done, met a cat, cleaned up the porch a bit

birthday (on which it SNOWED, but i also got ice cream cake), cooking, art stuff, cool sunsets, unionizing, easter eggs, lilacs, and lots of cats

what's been going on in march?

following up from last month's entry lol -- my mom and i are talking again, but not a ton. bud seems to be on his last legs and, for a hot minute there, she was staying at her apartment. her kitten that she'd gotten when she went back home after the strokes passed away (it got FIP) and she was real broken up about it. and bud texted me the other day - which he never does - talking about 'might be the last time i get to talk to you' and telling me what was going on. so we'll see how much longer he lasts

those weird ocular migranes haven't shown up in a while, which i suppose is a good thing. stuff on the thyroid front have been the same, but i still haven't figured out my RAI stuff, tbh

cats have been doing well. oryx is getting looooooooooong and bigger. she's real slender, but has meat on her bones. i don't think she's going to be very BIG or chonky. i'm glad she took to free feeding easily and is happy to have wet food when offered, but doesn't feel the need to go feral for it. beans is still skinny/underweight, but still ravenous for food. he was a little rough for a week or so there, really quiet/lethargic, but perked back up pretty quickly. he's still demaning cuddles and food and getting around really well, i just wish he could put on a little weight. i've also had to start giving him a bath now and then b/c he just gets grodey and gets food on his face and stinky hind feets. he's been pretty tolerant of it, but he's not super strong anymore lol and i sit in the tub with him and just hit the spot that need it as opposed to getting his whole body submerged. still doesn't like it, but it's manageable

we still do not have new upstairs neighbors! the people who were supposed to move in, the one lady lost her job, like, two days after signing the lease. so it's been quiet up there in the interim. it did get me to really clean up/tidy/organize the basement storage area, tho, so i guess that's a perk

while cleaning out the basement, i found my iriver that bob gave me when we lived in silverdale! shockingly, with the charging/transfer cord still attached and everything (the usb part is a little rusted, but i can plug it into a usb port lol). it works and i re-installed rockbox on it, so it's nice to have it as a non-data backup.

the downside of the weather breaking is that the neighbors have been annoying as hell - burning stuff in their backyard, all the kids from either side of the house running around all afternoon screaming and shrieking and wailing about things, hitting each other with sticks, running through the backyard all the time, etc., etc. i'd like a forty foot fence around me house with a six foot wide moat around there, tbh

i also cleaned a bunch of the front porch and tossed out the old pink loveseat that was in the back of it that a rat was nesting in. the porch IS still a mess, but i know where everything is at the moment and it's easier to access, at least. also set the big dog kennel up in the basement in case we ever need to use it for the cats if there's, like, a tornado warning or something

most of this month has been pretty chill. money has been SUPER tight, so i've been shifting my focus to things that don't cost money, like little pixel animal adopts on the chickensmoothie site lol


wermz


emblings


familiars


vastrals

and, of course, i am playing around with starting my own lol - it's just kinda fun to make little pixel dudes to share, tbh




anyhow, i have three work days left this week and then i'm off for a week-ish for my birthday but i'll probably try to work some b/c i need to make a little money AND my vacation just got approved for anthrocon, so i gotta find money to sit aside for that, as well (room and reg is already taken care of, i don't have to pay for that)

january felt like a week and six months all at the same time

a pretty quiet month and then a burst of art right at the end and then ALSO the upstairs neighbor got a leak in their bathroom ON NEW YEAR'S EVE

god, i feel like there's barely been breathing room for the last two-ish months

tony's leg/back issues have improved dramatically since his surgery. at his post-op, his surgeon was really happy with his progress. he's still using a cane, but he's able to generally move/get around pretty well and is able to drive again. he gets some electric jolts in his sciatic nerve sometimes, but it's not crippling. his spine will still be healing for a bit, but hopefully things level out

work has been work. i applied for the marketing assistant position, but i doubt i'll hear anything soon (even tho it's been up for 30~ days so far) b/c of the holidays and it's just a slow process in libraries to begin with. our part-timer (benjamin) moved to goodyear to go full-time, which is pretty cool for him

kitten situation (as seen from my pic-a-day posts lol) is here to stay. oryx has been getting bigger and lankier, losing her baby teeth (three so far!), learning her name, harassing tony with affection, playing fetch with q-tips and fluorescent mice, learning not to bolt out the front door, sleeping above our heads in bed, had her first chatter, has been trying out meows, seems to like to hiss/growl to play, and has generally been a delight to have

she's still learning a lot of things the big cats know not to do, but she's been pretty good so far. she likes sitting on the side of the tub and watching the water/bubble. i brought in a bunch of crunchy leaves to put in her playpen and she fuckin' loved that shit. she'd mrrl at me to bury her in the leaves so she could 'ambush' me

beans is still not a fan, and she likes to chase him down, but they're tolerating each other. i've seen her and finn kinda play a little, but it's not often (he's usually sleeping tbh) and it's mostly finn just trying to stand on her

she is, weirdly, not treat-motivated. any i've offered her she hasn't wanted. she DOES like churu, tho

we didn't plan to get another cat, but the cat distribution system told us now was the time apparently. she's been a good distraction/something to focus on with all the chaos, though

i just recently got over a pretty gnarly two-week sinus/cold thing. basically had to go home early for three days in a row (i'm at 12 'occurrences' over a 52-week period......) and one day i stupidly took nighttime meds and had to go into work and i don't recommend that to anyone

this month has been a fuckin mess. tony got an emergency microdiscectomy on the 5th and has been in recovery since then. i caught a wicked cold on monday that's just gotten worse over the week to the point where i can barely talk. let's hope december lets up maybe???