oh, mama raised me well

this last week has been surreal

i came out to warren on, uh, tuesday i think? my mom got moved to hospice monday night and the facility gave me a call tuesday morning to e-sign intake paperwork. i also spoke to the hospice nurse who told me, y'know, it'd be ideal for me to be in town and to come visit her. i'd been in cleveland to visit on the sunday prior and she was kinda still with it, but the decline has been SO fast and by the time she was in hospice she wasn't really talking at all (or, like, she would be trying to talk, but couldn't really speak). so i took the day off and poked at chris to give me a ride into warren b/c the car wasn't charged and tony wasn't comfortable driving in the snow

tuesday evening, donna (bud's...sister? i think she's actually his aunt, but they were the same age and raised together - the family ties are weird in bud's family), jenna (donna's wife), and nikki (bud's relation, iirc, but she calls herself my mom's cousin/pisces-sister lol) were at the hospice facility with me, but me and nikki went home and donna and jenna stayed the night. on new year's eve, me, donna, jenna, and lydia (bud's bio-kid, my step-sister) all stayed over b/c the weather/roads were SO bad and the hospice nurse said, you know, she was probably close. maybe a couple hours. i slept on the floor of the room (which wasn't as bad as it could've been lol) and at one point in the middle of the night she asked for me, so i sat up with her for awhile



on new year's day, i stayed out there by myself after folks left in the afternoon. but prior to that, my youngest sister adri reached out on fb and asked if she could come see her. which, obv, i was gracious about. adri is the only one who's ever made an attempt to reconnect with my mom, sabrina and robbie have been hard no contact the whole time (which, like, i also don't blame them, shit's just complicated). so she came down from cleveland and we talked a little bit and i let her have all the time she needed alone to talk to my (our) mom. it was just, idk, surreal. the whole thing, surreal lol. it wasn't a negative thing, at all, mostly bittersweet

i slept there new year's day night, but i got to sleep on the other bed this time at least lol. i spent a lot of the night kind of glancing over going 'is she still.....oh, yeah, still breathing' and playing music all night. it was pretty peaceful, she seemed like she rested well that evening



on the 2nd, the nurses adjusted her a bit and cleaned her up and she was a bit more animated (likely partially from the discomfort) before getting her morphine. her friend cat came out to visit, as well. i went back to the house in the afternoon (jenna stopped at aldi for me to grab some real food lol). i got antsy midday and took the bus downtown to return the elfquest books i'd checked out from the library when i was out here after thanksgiving, then walked around a bit. stopped at the comic book store and bullshat with greg for a minute, took the back shortcut walk between the library and my gma's old place on porter st (also where my mom and i used to live, in the house next door), went to the mocha house for some treats, walked down to my favorite cemeteries and took some photos, then walked back to my mom's place and took a long, hot bath and hung out with the cats



i was gonna go back out to hospice today, but i've been hacking and coughing (i'm still SO congested from my cold before xmas) and i opted to take a day where i just chill out and don't do fuckin anything and i think that's been a good plan

but i've got some thai coconut chicken and cilantro lime rice, so i'm gonna have that for dinner and sit around with the cats and re-watch buzzfeed unsolved lol


little miss emmie lou + miss moonshine

december was filled with cats, some surprises, but also my mom's health declining faster than any of us ever anticipated

there's a lot i want to write about. it's not things i DESIRE to write about, but should write about regardless

my mom is going into hospice soon. she's been in the hospital since the 9th and, before that, over thanksgiving.

at the beginning of august, we were lazing around in the inflatable pool in her backyard, we were at geneva on the lake riding a ferris wheel and eating good food, we were stopping at weird little amish country general stores. she should've had more time without him, more time in her own home, with her family, living the life she didn't get for decades because of his garbage ass

i'm kind of numb about it right now, trying to sort out legal things, sitting at work typing this like it's not going to make me upset anyhow.

i've been sick the last week, i feel bad because i haven't been able to visit her in the hospital much, but i only would've gotten her sick and i wasn't fit for traveling anyhow

i'm exhausted, physically and mentally rn. once the former sorts itself i'll be able to manage, but it's a lot at the moment. i just feel in a daze more than anything, but i know that's partially the cold situation. i'm so congested and zonked out, i wanna be asleep for another day x_x

i'm going up tomorrow to see if we can sort out some legal stuff. i know sunday isn't ideal for it, but i think if she can get some papers written (living will, for one) up while she's still communicative/cognizant and we can get that stuff sorted, it'll be less that'll need to go to probate court when it finally happens

what's been going on in march?

following up from last month's entry lol -- my mom and i are talking again, but not a ton. bud seems to be on his last legs and, for a hot minute there, she was staying at her apartment. her kitten that she'd gotten when she went back home after the strokes passed away (it got FIP) and she was real broken up about it. and bud texted me the other day - which he never does - talking about 'might be the last time i get to talk to you' and telling me what was going on. so we'll see how much longer he lasts

those weird ocular migranes haven't shown up in a while, which i suppose is a good thing. stuff on the thyroid front have been the same, but i still haven't figured out my RAI stuff, tbh

cats have been doing well. oryx is getting looooooooooong and bigger. she's real slender, but has meat on her bones. i don't think she's going to be very BIG or chonky. i'm glad she took to free feeding easily and is happy to have wet food when offered, but doesn't feel the need to go feral for it. beans is still skinny/underweight, but still ravenous for food. he was a little rough for a week or so there, really quiet/lethargic, but perked back up pretty quickly. he's still demaning cuddles and food and getting around really well, i just wish he could put on a little weight. i've also had to start giving him a bath now and then b/c he just gets grodey and gets food on his face and stinky hind feets. he's been pretty tolerant of it, but he's not super strong anymore lol and i sit in the tub with him and just hit the spot that need it as opposed to getting his whole body submerged. still doesn't like it, but it's manageable

we still do not have new upstairs neighbors! the people who were supposed to move in, the one lady lost her job, like, two days after signing the lease. so it's been quiet up there in the interim. it did get me to really clean up/tidy/organize the basement storage area, tho, so i guess that's a perk

while cleaning out the basement, i found my iriver that bob gave me when we lived in silverdale! shockingly, with the charging/transfer cord still attached and everything (the usb part is a little rusted, but i can plug it into a usb port lol). it works and i re-installed rockbox on it, so it's nice to have it as a non-data backup.

the downside of the weather breaking is that the neighbors have been annoying as hell - burning stuff in their backyard, all the kids from either side of the house running around all afternoon screaming and shrieking and wailing about things, hitting each other with sticks, running through the backyard all the time, etc., etc. i'd like a forty foot fence around me house with a six foot wide moat around there, tbh

i also cleaned a bunch of the front porch and tossed out the old pink loveseat that was in the back of it that a rat was nesting in. the porch IS still a mess, but i know where everything is at the moment and it's easier to access, at least. also set the big dog kennel up in the basement in case we ever need to use it for the cats if there's, like, a tornado warning or something

most of this month has been pretty chill. money has been SUPER tight, so i've been shifting my focus to things that don't cost money, like little pixel animal adopts on the chickensmoothie site lol


wermz


emblings


familiars


vastrals

and, of course, i am playing around with starting my own lol - it's just kinda fun to make little pixel dudes to share, tbh




anyhow, i have three work days left this week and then i'm off for a week-ish for my birthday but i'll probably try to work some b/c i need to make a little money AND my vacation just got approved for anthrocon, so i gotta find money to sit aside for that, as well (room and reg is already taken care of, i don't have to pay for that)

last year was.......something, that's for sure

1/21 - snickers passed away
2/27 - tony went to the er for a kidney stone
3/31 - i went to the er for an infection, found a nodule on my thyroid

april was a nice reprieve, with the eclipse and pet/housesitting for chris and sam

final shape came out in june, and i went swimming with my mom

anthrocon in july!!!

7/29 - tony's abdominal surgery
8/26 - the cat distribution system chooses us
9/11 - my thyroidectomy

late october, tony's leg started to flare up with sciatica pain and it was about a solid 3-4 weeks of dealing with that and multiple er trips before it felt like anyone actually took it as seriously as it was

11/5 - tony's microdiscectomy

i got sick for about two weeks later in november, as well - still don't know exactly what it was, but i completely lost my voice for a weekend and spent half a week coming in to work for 2.5 hours so that i could leave early and not get an ~occurrence~ over it

what a shitshow. i hope this year is better than that mess

---

i went out with friends on new year's eve for glow bowling. tony stayed in, for a variety of reasons. it was pretty nice! the music selection could've been better (they didn't play the good stuff until after midnight???), but there was a 2-3 lane sing-along of 'bohemian rhapsody' right after midnight



i BOWLED really well - my FORM was great, but the pins were NOT cooperating lol and i don't remember my score, but it would've been better if it had matched how beautifully i was rolling the ball down the lane lol

i thought i'd be more sore the next day, but instead i just slept until 1pm and then got up and ran some errands and cleaned the living room a bit b/c on nye i noticed that something was leaking from the upstairs neighbors' bathroom and by the time i was out of work is was fully leaking thru the drop ceiling so i had to half dismantle/tear that apart and put bins underneath and TRY to get ahold of my upstairs neighbor and eventually i just shut the main water line off and texted my landlord to let the upstairs neighbor know what's going on and how to turn things back on (we both have access to the basement)



it wasn't until the time i got up on new year's day that it seemed like things got sorted - but the important thing is the house has water AND there's nothing leaking in my living room anymore. i'll have to message the landlord for a new drop ceiling tile, but that's not a huge deal

i also bought a little shirt for oryx (which i thought was gonna be too big as a dog's xxs but it fit her just right lol she's getting so big)

god, i feel like there's barely been breathing room for the last two-ish months

tony's leg/back issues have improved dramatically since his surgery. at his post-op, his surgeon was really happy with his progress. he's still using a cane, but he's able to generally move/get around pretty well and is able to drive again. he gets some electric jolts in his sciatic nerve sometimes, but it's not crippling. his spine will still be healing for a bit, but hopefully things level out

work has been work. i applied for the marketing assistant position, but i doubt i'll hear anything soon (even tho it's been up for 30~ days so far) b/c of the holidays and it's just a slow process in libraries to begin with. our part-timer (benjamin) moved to goodyear to go full-time, which is pretty cool for him

kitten situation (as seen from my pic-a-day posts lol) is here to stay. oryx has been getting bigger and lankier, losing her baby teeth (three so far!), learning her name, harassing tony with affection, playing fetch with q-tips and fluorescent mice, learning not to bolt out the front door, sleeping above our heads in bed, had her first chatter, has been trying out meows, seems to like to hiss/growl to play, and has generally been a delight to have

she's still learning a lot of things the big cats know not to do, but she's been pretty good so far. she likes sitting on the side of the tub and watching the water/bubble. i brought in a bunch of crunchy leaves to put in her playpen and she fuckin' loved that shit. she'd mrrl at me to bury her in the leaves so she could 'ambush' me

beans is still not a fan, and she likes to chase him down, but they're tolerating each other. i've seen her and finn kinda play a little, but it's not often (he's usually sleeping tbh) and it's mostly finn just trying to stand on her

she is, weirdly, not treat-motivated. any i've offered her she hasn't wanted. she DOES like churu, tho

we didn't plan to get another cat, but the cat distribution system told us now was the time apparently. she's been a good distraction/something to focus on with all the chaos, though

i just recently got over a pretty gnarly two-week sinus/cold thing. basically had to go home early for three days in a row (i'm at 12 'occurrences' over a 52-week period......) and one day i stupidly took nighttime meds and had to go into work and i don't recommend that to anyone

this month has been a fuckin mess. tony got an emergency microdiscectomy on the 5th and has been in recovery since then. i caught a wicked cold on monday that's just gotten worse over the week to the point where i can barely talk. let's hope december lets up maybe???

there sure is a lot of baby kitten pics in this one

had my total thyroidectomy yesterday! everything went super well and the one thing i was most concerned about - voice issues - has been good! just general sore throat vibes, which i am very thankful for



i did a lot of rambling on my bsky about it. some snippets lol b/c i don't feel like retyping everything

minor post-surgery annoyances: the numbness/waking-up-from-being-asleep tinglies in my right hand/arm and numbness on the left side of my face (both from something during the surgery)

also having to be disconnected if I gotta go pee
September 11, 2024 at 5:06 PM

ooh got disconnected from a couple things (heart monitors, bp cuff, fluids) so I feel a lot. less restrained to the bed/having to delicately move around with all the wires
September 11, 2024 at 6:00 PM

had 'dinner' - pot roast w/mashed potatoes, carrots, mac and cheese, pound cake. very thankful i can have a normal diet for this, but I'm gonna take it easy with food the first couple days b/c i know stuff is swollen
September 11, 2024 at 6:02 PM

my biggest worry/concern about the whole thing was issues with my voice b/c the thyroid lays on top of the laryngeal nerve but it just sounds like I've got a really sore throat and Tony already had to tell me to shush a bit so relieved about that
September 11, 2024 at 6:08 PM

now if they ever stick me in a room lol been waiting for one since 3-ish? some other higher priority stuff has come thru, so it's understandable, but I just want to get cozy for the evening
September 11, 2024 at 6:19 PM

finally made it to a room! they let me know there was one ready not long before my last post, but lots of stuff going on kept me down in the post-op area. now I have pudding and a cherry icey and clothing and can move around lol
September 11, 2024 at 9:50 PM

belatedly, tinglies/slight numbness is normal. the way they position your neck and arms during the surgery, plus some of the medication, tends to cause it. it hasn't changed all day, just consistent, and it feels like there's places where it's fading, too
September 11, 2024 at 11:25 PM

staff isn't concerned too much about it I have normal face/hand movement and feeling, it should clear up gradually. it's been kinda nice b/c the ice pack isn't super cold when I have it on my neck lol
September 11, 2024 at 11:26 PM

woken up around 3am for vitals/blood. woken up just before 6am for some inquiries (pain, etc) + to let me know at some point this morning the surgery team will be around. sleep was alright otherwise, room. neighbor has kept the TV on all night x_x consistent volume, but louder than i'd like lol
September 12, 2024 at 6:09 AM

now it's just being home and dealing with the sore/swollenness of the incision spot and my throat area in general - the pain is extremely minimal, but i gotta be careful moving my head

thyroidectomy scheduled for 9/11 (lol) - whole thing is getting yeeted. looking forward to this mostly being over (aside from medication and whatever post-op iodine stuff i'm gonna have to do) b/c it is a big inconvenience. they initially penciled me in mid-august but i was like holy shit that's not gonna fly. work schedule was already made, tony's neutering is next week, akron pride is the end of august, we JUST got back from anthrocon not that long ago, i need some down time jesus christ

but i went in on tuesday to talk to the surgeon and stuff and they gave me another ultrasound and poked and prodded at my neck, which means it's irritated now. also went to the fair with my mom after the appointment and i think got overheated b/c i didn't eat properly beforehand/early on and didn't really drink anything lol so i ended up calling off yesterday because of that. monday night, as well, i had a teeny bout of that weird shaking like i did awhile back, but it was very short lived, thankfully (could it be thyroid related? who fuckin' knows! i feel like 80% of the shit i have going on could possibly be thyroid related so i'm interested to see what changes after the surgery)

i get two whole paid sick time weeks off for surgery/recovery (i'll be overnight for surgery), which is pretty nice b/c i have something like 300~ hours of sick time accrued

other than that, not a lot has been going on. went to a little furmeet in highland square...last week and met some local folks. took a super long walk on the towpath on....saturday. rode the scooter up to memorial pkwy and parked it there and then walked all the way up to merriman valley. stopped at the little thrift store up there and stopped at a fancy gelato place and got some really good cinnamon gelato before grabbing the bus back home. pretty good way to spend a really nice day

went to the fair, like i mentioned. the art in the park thing up at hardesty park is this weekend, but i work saturday so idk if we'll pop out to it (can never remember if it's fri/sat/sun or just sat/sun). i've mostly been putzing around working on art and playing chickensmoothie and stardew valley.

i both forgot to post this (pre-anthrocon crunch lol) AND forgot a day (june 12 iirc). thank goodness for backdating options (i'm posting this on september 1st lol)

I GOT TO SEE THE AURORA (a little bit) LAST NIGHT!!!!!





full size pics b/c they're not great lol but just that little bit of green-ish ribbon in the sky!!!! i'd been out a bit earlier (in the 9:00 hour) and got to see a STRONG green ribbon go over us, but didn't get a pic of it b/c i didn't have my phone (i didn't expect to see anything at all lol) and i ran back inside to get tony

our location definitely wasn't ideal, of course. bottom of a street, surrounded by trees. i could SEE something going on on the far side of the trees to the north, but not much was making it our way that was visible by the naked eye. i could see the sky changing color a little bit, it was mostly a deep purple and then you'd see some faint green or even pink-ish shades sometimes

it was still VERY cool, regardless of being able to not see much. that little glimpse i got had me so excited lol

it's raining now, but it may clear up later this evening, but i'm not holding my breath. i also have D&D tonight so idk if the viewing will be better in goodyear or not lol



we also had some great clouds during the day yesterday. it was cooler, but it'd stormed/rained the day before, so it left us with these big puffy clouds and beautiful blue skies

i ran errands (grocery mostly) and went to the coffee shop (angel falls) to draw/work on commissions, which has been my tactic to get me to actually work on things recently lol



i get to get a little icey coffee and a little sweet treat and i spend some time hyperfocusing on drawing while also eavesdropping on nearby conversations. it's been working GREAT lol

chris, sam, and i went to the punk rock flea market last weekend. i keep forgetting to take a pic of what i bought - a shirt from tittybats and two patches! i also got some zilla 98 stickers for tony from the arttoons booth

[insert pic here eventually]

also had a really good cheesesteak after we bailed from another food truck that we realized was plastered on the side with pd stickers and 'blue lives matter' shit - which was unfortunate as they had good sounding chicken sandwiches and something called a 'stoner bowl'. after we bounced from the line we realized it was SUPER short and other people were noticing and leaving the line as well lol

had my ultrasound for my thyroid last week, too, no news on it yet however. whenever i see my Assigned PCP, i'll get some insight on that mess

they're replacing the HVAC at work the last week or two and they're still not done and it hasn't been TOO bad on the warm days (just a bit stuffy sometimes), but it's rainy/dreary/cooler today so i'm wrapped up in my hoodie x_x

i've been petsitting for chris+sam this last week (they're in florida with andrew!) and it's been pretty nice. i am very grateful for the weather being quite decent overall so i can scooty across town (they live in goodyear) and take nice pictures lol



ferret has been VERY photogenic this time around

we did have some storms, and a really nasty storm that went nearby us, which made for some great skies at sunset, as well



i've been taking a lot of photos along the bike trail of grafitti, as well, since a lot has changed since i went this route a year or so ago when i petsat last time lol

i am in LOVE with that glitchy looking DVD one tbh

---

other than that, it's been a pretty lowkey week. worked. played some destiny (ran 'the whisper' and then pulled tony in at the end to beat the boss and made it with under one minute to spare x_x also watching a lot of buzzfeed unsolved supernatural lol

went to my appointment about my thyroid last week, too, and nothing new on that front. i have to schedule an ultrasound and got a bunch of bloodwork done (everything looks good aside from some slightly low iron stuff, but i also was very smart and hadn't eaten or anything beforehand lol)

i am looking forward to not having two terrorist cats wake me up at 5:30am for their breakfast lol just one terrorist cat who aims for 7-8am instead and i can sleep through his shenanigans for the most part

looking forward to warmer weather

so this last week the weather was making my gums swell, which isn't an uncommon occurrence. i often get some sinus issues around this time of year and, because of that, my gums swell, as well. i wasn't awfully worried, just kept an eye on things

thursday it was definitely hurting more, but i went out and had an early bday dinner with my mom and came home afterwards. it was definitely more painful and, over the night, i took a cocktail of meds lol (sinus meds, gabs, arthritis asprin, some of tony's leftover kidney stone painkillers - only the latter really helped in any significant way). friday, i woke up and the swelling was SIGNIFICANT and i started thinking it was a more serious infection or an abscess. medicated myself again, called off work

saturday i woke up and what as DEFINITELY an abscess of some sort was big enough that it was impacting how i spoke (tongue was touching it when my mouth was closed), so i threw on some clothes and went up to the ER (the good one at akron general). got taken back pretty quickly (waiting room was empty when i got there) and when the NP came to see me, she sent me for a CT scan to see how deep the infection was

waited around for results to come back and, yeah, definitely a dental abscess

BUT ALSO

a large nodule on my thyroid 🙃🙃🙃

5.5 x 4.0 x 3.0 cm large

like, kiwi-sized at 5cm

so the NP tells me, get this checked out ASAP. the bigger they are, the higher chance (7-15%) it could be cancerous. but, either way, over 4cm, they require surgery. it may not be immediate, i imagine there's variables to it, if it's benign then it can probably wait. if it's malignant it's a higher priority

so, i gotta make an appointment to follow up on it, but i also don't have insurance anymore b/c i make a cool $300 over the threshold for medicaid so idk how this will actually pan out in the long run here

anyhow, i get discharged, drag my ass up to walgreens and pay out of pocked thirty-four fucking dollars for antibiotics, then head home and on the way home the abscess pops x_x thankfully just fluid and not nastier abscess contents, at least. but it was a big relief - after it drained a bit and i took the antibiotics and some more painkillers i was able to eat something substantial last night and today and i'm feeling marginally more functional (was able to attend pathfinder today)

i am hoping SOME of the swelling/size is related to the infection and just the general swelling in my sinuses/face and it goes down a little bit in the next couple days, tho

---

so now i've been combing thru thyroid issue symptoms to see what i missed. i actually WAS aware there was a lump there, but it didn't feel out of place b/c it was so close to the center of my throat, i just thought it was muscle/fat moving under the skin when i pressed it. now i'm hyperaware of it lol and can feel why it's concerning

apparently some of the things that are common in early/perimenopause have overlap with thyroid symptoms in women - irregular/missed/super heavy periods (i've rambled about this here and there, it was one of the first things i noticed after my birthday last year) and changes in hair (my hair has gotten a lot thinner? i haven't lost any, persay, but its texture is a bit different and it gets oily a LOT faster than it used to). i sometimes have to clear my throat a lot after eating certain types of food (definitely mcd's, maybe greasy stuff in general??) that wasn't a thing before.

but a lot of other thyroid symptoms i haven't noticed (things like weight loss/gain - i've stayed about the same, nothing significant). i did wake up soaked in sweat last night, but i think that may have been a combo of antibiotics, the heat kicking on, and the warm blanket my mom just bought me. if it keeps happening, i'll add it to the symptom list lol

i also wonder if the thyroid issue is what's been causing my neck/head aches when i try to draw certain ways, as well, because that didn't seem to be a huge thing until the last year or so

but all of these things didn't pop up until around/after my birthday last year, so at least i have a time frame. i know i got a CT scan when i got that minor concussion a few years ago and i would imagine they also scanned my neck at the time, as well, and i would think something like this would come up on it even without the contrast dye

so, yeah, maybe gonna take off tomorrow and make some calls and see what the damage for this shit is gonna be

long weekend was long

d&d was nice! i ended up getting tomato gouda bread and some nice chocolates and kolachi to take and folks really enjoyed everything! also literally no one there knew what kolachi (nut roll) was!!! i was FLABBERGASTED. all but one person grew up in ohio, kolachi is a holiday staple! i had to explain what it was lghklkghdflgkd

but it must be a warren/niles/youngstown thing up here, b/c upon retrospect i do remember it being less visible in grocery stores during the holidays - ex: the fancy bread place didn't make it (tho they had kifli, which has a similar sort of nut filling) and i had to go to giant eagle to find any. but it was always around for the holidays in my family and it's SO good. but people liked it, so i'm glad i could expose folks to a new sweet X3

friday night, tony fell and split his lip in the middle of the night. thankfully, it didn't end up being SUPER serious. it cut through under his lower lip, but only a small bit. it's since began healing up nicely

saturday i slept TEN HOURS somehow. came home from d&d, went to bed around 4am-ish, and then just..........slept. but i guess my body needed it. ran out in the evening to get some last minute xmas dinner things

sunday i went to breakfast bowl with chris, sam, and andrew. i was dragging in the morning, but honestly the game helped me wake up a bit. afterwards, went to books-a-million with chris and sam before getting dropped off back home. i THINK ended up taking a little nap lol

monday was xmas, tho we didn't DO anything. loafed around and played destiny. we didn't buy gifts this year b/c we're broke and also it hasn't felt like the holidays anyhow lol. it was 60F over the weekend and the sun was out on xmas, so i had the windows open and put the plants out on the porch and made dinner (small ham, pull apart cheese bread tree, hashbrown casserole)

tuesday early morning (like, 4am) i woke up and rolled over and then just felt like i couldn't get warm despite being under two blankets. i ended up just sitting in bed for, like, an hour, uncontrollably shaking before i was able to lay back down and try to sleep. woke up around 6am and i was too warm and couldn't get comfortable and that lasted for a couple hours. i had decided when i initially woke up i was gonna play it safe and take a sick day, at least. so when i was able to finally sleep it was consistent. when i woke up later on i felt like i'd been hit by a truck x_x

it was SO bizarre b/c i didn't have any queasiness/nausea or anything, nothing that pointed to, like, a sudden illness. just a bunch of shaking and then too warm for awhile. was super weird. tony said maybe it's a pre-menopause symptom or something, cause i can't figure any other source

now i'm back at work until saturday and then i'm off until the 3rd (but i gotta work next fri/sat/sun :P)

Six months between posts. I am a terrible blogger. It's not even that I didn't want to, either. I kept meaning to and going 'hey i should write about this', but then I never did. Distracted or otherwise caught up with something else.

I'm on the rag, so I should really just wait and write a new entry until I'm feel less like a sad sack of shit, but I figure I'll cover a few things now, like art and little updates, and try to keep my bad mood out of it.

---

I stopped taking commissions at the beginning of October, which is really one of the best decisions I've made. My art productivity has been through the roof since then and now that I don't feel guilty for doing personal work instead of working on commissions, I'm just doing a lot more stuff and learning a lot more overall. It feels really good, to say the least. I update my artblog often and with stuff I don't post on FA/DA/wherever: http://obliviousally.tumblr.com Lots of sketches and doodles, works in progress, and random stuff, mostly.



Some little portraits I drew right after posting about not taking anymore commissions. They're just little 500x500 headshot/icons things. One of Ally, one for a local furry chick, and one of Phe.


Lots and lots of art! You have no idea how good this makes me feel. I'm pretty sure I've drawn more in the last three months than I did in all of 2012.


Some adoptables I drew while FA was down. They're still up for grabs (i need to edit the descriptions).

Aaaaand, also, some art I've gotten in the last couple months. Most were requests/gifts, but some were small paid commissions from over the summer. Only one is missing from here, because it's adult: horrible kaiju/Jaeger pilot porn.

---

This school semester was pretty rough.

Tony and I both had some kind of bronchitis starting in August and running almost halfway through September. It was awful. I was running a fever so high one night that our hairless cat (whose body temperature is always about three or four degrees higher than a human's) felt lukewarm to me and I thought HE was sick. It was awful. Coughing so hard you'd throw up, being too sick to get up and do anything, just laying in bed for days on end. Awful.

Then, my mom had a massive heart attack at the beginning of September. She woke up in the middle of the night, told Bud she was having a heart attack, drove herself to the hospital, and walked in to inform them of what was happening and immediately went into cardiac arrest. They had to go CPR for almost forty-five minutes and they shocked her with the paddles about ten times (she has scars from them now). She was life flighted to Cleveland Metro and was in critical condition for forty-eight hours. It was pretty hectic. I'd woken up that morning with a message on Facebook from Bud saying that she was in the hospital and she'd had a heart attack, but I'd passed it off since I wasn't awake yet and, to be honest, my mom's been in and out of the hospital a lot the last couple years (she's had two minor strokes, among a plethora of other things), so I figured it wasn't anything serious until I called him a few hours later and he was almost crying on the phone.

I ended up taking the bus up to Cleveland, which was a fun adventure, but it was also less stress/less money on gas, since I figured I'd be stuck staying up there for the night anyhow. The evening wasn't terribly stressful, as there was nothing that could be done but wait for her condition to get in the clear. The next morning was stressful because Lynn, Bud's mom, was freaking out about leaving her at the hospital because Bud had to go back to Warren and take care of things and Lynn herself needed to go home and I needed to go home and go to work. Full blown meltdown when she saw a bird in the lobby. I was not aware, beforehand, that birds in the house/a building are a bad omen/mean people dying. Which, of course, is ridiculous when it comes to a hospital because there's people dying there every day. So I was thankful when I got home and didn't have to deal with her in context of the hospital anymore.

I love Lynn, but I cannot deal with that level of freak-out when it comes to these kinds of situations. I just don't over-react. The whole time I was calm and collected and I think the nurses liked dealing with my inquiries about things more than Bud, who thought he knew everything that was going on and was doubly frustrating when we were asking the social worker what steps we needed to take so my mom could get her medication and aftercare paid for. Bud thought the social worker would be able to magically wave a wand and fix shit, but I knew otherwise and, as next of kin, I had the say anyhow.

The next of kin thing was scary for a bit there, too. Because my mom has explicitly stated to me on numerous occasions that she does not want to be a vegetable and if I needed to, I could tell the doctors to pull the plug. I never felt like that was a thing that was going to happen, but it was still there in the back of my mind.

After she started coming to, it was a weird couple of days as the medication wore off. They had her on something that gave her temporary amnesia so she would be hazy each time she woke up (on top of that, she was also restrained to the bed and had all sorts of stuff down her throat and stuff). So when she started coming back around and they started easing her off the medication, she was confused about what year it was and who all was still alive. Bud freaked out and thought that her asking about her brother and mother and the kids was her losing fifteen years and I had to explain to him that it was the medication and she didn't lose fifteen years and just calm your tits, christ. But when he called and said that, I was legitimately scared for a moment, because that's what started happening to my grandmother before she went crazy and I just can't cope with that level of disconnect.

Once she was back to normal, things were better for the most part. They had to focus on clearing out some blood clots and she was back in the hospital a few weeks later due to that, but it wasn't too bad overall. The biggest surprise that came out of the whole thing was that my youngest sister, Adri, went up to see her at the hospital. We haven't actually seen the kids in person in about ten or fifteen years, my mom probably longer than that, but my mom's been in contact with Adri for the last couple years and they've actually been catching up because she's willing to give my mom a second chance. Their grandmother really fucked them up with the mental manipulation, so one out of three ain't bad.

But all of that mess kept me really distracted from work and school for about two solid months, then I had to play catchup and I passed one of my classes, but I completely bombed out of the other one, so I have to do an appeal again and hope they're not tired of seeing my name.

---

Blah blah, tired of writing right now. Typical. I need to sort through my brain and my Facebook and pull out any other relevant events in the last six months.

I've been bad about updating! Which totally defeats the inital purpose of, you know, using my journal again.

I'm sitting at work in the MACC Annex, listening to the wrestlers (I think) in the next room over have practice or something. They're making a lot of noise, is all I know, and I'm trying to counter it with music, since there's no one in the Photo Studio right now.

My laptop is back in working condition! My power cord eventually went completely kaput and I snagged another one for, like, $10 on Amazon. Looks like that was the problem, which is nice. I mean, I still can't use my laptop without the cord, because my battery is shot, but that doesn't bother me. I also reformatted it and it runs a bit better. But it's also something like three years old, so it's to be expected that it's lagging behind a little. I don't know if I want to buy more RAM for it, or just buy a new laptop. I'm so attached to my stupid sticker-covered laptop, though.

I was sick over the tail end of spring break last week. A head cold was going around work at the library and I'd avoided it until the weekend or so when kicked my ass. I was congested and couldn't breath or swallow well and all I did was sleep. I couldn't keep myself awake and I was just constantly tired. There's a little of it lingering still, but it's nice to feel human again. Especially because the weather's finally warmed up significantly and I've been wanting to spend time both outside and cleaning the house.

We're planning on pulling almost everything out of Tony's craft room downstairs and organizing things to be easily find-able and accessible. I wish I had the extra money to get some nice organization things, but I don't right now. The biggest issue is finding the best way to store all the bolts and yards of fur he has so they don't get dirty and the cats don't lay on them and them still be easy to pull out and use and put away. But we'll see what we can do. Worst case scenario, we buy some more of the plastic shelving things we're using for fur now.

I just want to get all the mess/clutter organized and cleaned up. I want to put away fall/winter things and pull out spring/summer stuff. I'd like for everything to be nice and neat and easy to find, really. I want the living room to be nice and neat because sometimes I'd like to spend time downstairs or have a second television where we can play games or invite people over to hang out with. Our main TV is in the bedroom and it's always a clusterfuck (mostly clutter, let's be honest here) and small and not exactly condusive to having people over or anything.

I'm also thinking about pulling everything out from my office and re-organizing it. But everything's so precariously placed in there right now that it might not be worth the trouble?? i have two desks and my desktop comp in there and I'd like for my one window to be fully accessible (there's a desk in front of it right now and I can open/close it, but maybe I'd just like to, I don't know, toss the papasan cushion down in front of it and nap in the sun or something?

I don't know, a lot of brainstorming needs to happen before I do anything with that. I can spill some of my stuff out into the landing (like my bookcase, for example), because there's plenty of room out there and I'm probably going to put the cat's stupid cardboard house into the extra bedroom - which is basically their room anyhow.

I also need to plant my veggies and stuff! I don't want to procrastinate on it forever this year because I'd really like to get a harvest out of them.

---

I've been trying to draw a bit more (and get some commissions to help with rent/whatever).




Two requests I did and one commission and a gift for a patient commissioner~

I've also been working on my dolls! Well, mostly on Poe. I want to blush Desma's body with pastel, but it's not working really well, so I'm putting her on the backburner for now. In the meantime, Poe's been progressing nicely.




I've been writing a lot about my progress and such over on my doll blog, so I won't rehash it all here. I need to pick up some better acrylic paints, but so far she's coming along well. I haven't done the markings on her body yet, though.

---

And now, some Instagram spam~



I also made a seperate flickr account for all my book cover photos, as well: raggedpages

---

So a bit back, we switched Finnick over to some Taste of the Wild cat food, because he'd been breaking out in scabs and we couldn't figure out why. It wasn't hurting him, they were just a bit itchy and never seemed to go away, even with baths and such. We thought he was allergic to the flea meds, but then we thought it might be a food allergy.

Which is pretty much exactly what it is.

Since we've switched him over to a higher quality food, his scabs are almost completely gone and no more have broken out at all. He's probably allergic to something stupid, like corn or whatever they use to fluff out the standard cat foods. He doesn't eat the other food at all anymore, but we have to feed him by himself because I can't afford to switch them all over to the more expensive food. But at least he's smart enough to come and let us know when he's hungry.

The other cats are doing well, which I'm thankful for. They're all stoked about the warmer weather, too. The other animals are good, too. I have to pick up some more food for the ratties and clean out their cages (and pair them up, which I've been procrastinating on) this week.

I'm sure there's things I've missed that I'll remember right after posting and go 'why didn't I write about that??'.

---

See, I knew I'd forget something!

I'm going to be making a Commander Shepard cosplay for Anthrocon (yeah, I know, that doesn't make a lot of sense) because Tony is going to try to do a Geth or a Turian and I just want an excuse to wear awesome armor, dye my hair red, and yell at people.

I'm pretty happy that I found great pattern templates for the armor, too. Now it's just a matter of figuring out how much EVA foam I'll need and then, you know, actually piece things together. I don't think it'll be too difficult, just time (and money) consuming. Especially since I'll need to get a decent undersuit to wear and, likely some kind of compression/spanx thing so I don't look like a fatty. I mean, I have a spanx thing, but it's prone to rolling up. I might buy one of the bodysuit-ish ones, with the shorts or whatever that's all one piece.

But hopefully we can also cobble together what we need for whatever Tony decides to do. The biggest obstacle for him will be a mask, I think. Or, if he does a turian, that damn collar thing.

Since Monday, I've been sick. Tony and I caught that mutant flu that's going around and we've bascially been bedridden for the last couple of days. Tony moreso, as he was also ill over the weekend. Tuesday was the worst, though. We both had the chills and horrible coughs that made us throw up. We just stayed in bed all day and seemed to sleep in three to four hour increments. It felt like the longest day ever. Wednesday wasn't much better, either. I'm feeling marginally better today, but I decided to stay home from work because I still can't be upright for too long without getting dizzy and lightheaded and I'm still coughing awfully bad. I don't want to pass this on to anyone else and we've just been staying inside since we got sick. Angie brought us flu meds Tuesday night, which was great, as well. We had NyQuil, but it was barely putting a dent in anything.

I ventured out across the street yesterday to get a mailer so I could return a rental book to Amazon. I just hope it being postmarked on the due date isn't going to cause an issue... But that's the most productive I've been. I'vebeen trying to get some things done that don't require manual effot today, but that's proving to be difficult. I upped the phone with minutes, but now I can't seem to find where I put it so that I can charge it. I wanted to call the landlord once my voice comes back (hopefully tomorrow) and let him know that I have all that we owe, plus this month and next month for rent. I don't want him to think we've been avoiding him, because I did let him know we'd have the money about now.

I have to stop at the Financial Aid office tomorrow (hopefully) and see why the rest of my Pell Grant didn't disburse. I should still be getting another $649, I just don't think it re-calculated after I dropped down to three credit hours and then we back up to six right before the beginning of the month. It's probably just something that needs to be pushed through manually, which is no big deal, but I know I should be getting the rest of that, because I have for the last couple semesters.

I don't know what my schedule is for VCD next week, when the semester stars. I wish I did because I can be working at the bookstore if the resource room isn't going to be open yet. I'll probably also wait to schedule my library hours for a week or two, so I'm not bombarded with three jobs and my work study money will last until the end of the semester.

Apparently, I'm able to file taxes this early, but I can't because I haven't gotten my W2 or my 1098 forms from school and the bookstore. Sigh. But at least I've got everything set up to just punch in the numbers and send it off once I receive them.

Other than being sickly and gross, things have been alright around the house. I didn't work over the break, which wasn't too bad because it was nice to have the laze around time. But I will be happy to be back to work and keping myself busy again. I'm also really happy at the unseasonably warm weather we're having and I hope this cold is finally coming to an end so I can enjoy it a little but (even though I'll be working all day).

We acquired two new ratties, adopted from Kieran, who I work at the library with. Two pretty girls named Frankie (champagne) and Teddy (agouti). They're so very sweet and curious. Teddy has a bit of labored breathing, so we're going to try treating them with tetracycline in their water to see if it helps, otherwise Kieran said they'd pay for a vet visit for her (they were going to take the girls before we took them, but things didn't line up). I'll probably offer to go halfsies on the bill, really. But I doubt it's going to be anything more than a perscription of baytril.

Classes ended well. I got an A and an A-, which was pretty awesome. For the spring semester, I'm taking 'Media, Power, and Culture' and 'Literature in the United States II'. I figure, if I do declare VCD, I'll need the former anyhow. I'm hoping, come summer, I can take an on campus class or two. I just wish the syllabi were up so I could start mapping out my calendar.

---

At the New Year, I silently decided I'd start drawing a bit more and decided to start using stock photos and stuff for refs, so I could do loose sketches and all. I've always found sketching over poses helps me understand where things lay better and, with many stock photographers, they allow you to use their poses for free range drawing reference - meaning that, if you do something you're really proud of, you can see prints and such with only credit (since it's not commercial printing, essentially). I was doing good, until the cold came around. Maybe I'll try to catch up, maybe I'll just start where I left off. Who knows.



[ Max in N7 Armor, Sitara wearing on of Wess' shirts, Magdalena, and Wesson/Sitara ]


[ flats on the Wesson/Sitara sketch. she be ded. ]


[ connecting art card commission ]

---

Other miscellaney...

Holy cow, the new Pokemon starters for X and Y are pretty cute. I'm really in love with the Fennekin, though, but that's to be expected because I love the fire starters.



Also wow gosh announcements of a baby for Jensen and Danneel and then Supernatural winning best Sci-Fi/Fantasy AND best fanbase at the People's Choice Awards? Pretty cool, that. Not that I'm a huge fan of babies, because I don't want any of my own and they make me awkward to be around, I've still loved seeing every update and picture about Jared and Genevieve's baby, Thomas. I think I just love seeing how enamored they are with their kid and how happy he makes them. It's really cute.

But, I mean, look at these beautiful motherfuckers.


[ images from here ]

---

Okay, I think I have officially reached the sick rambling point and I'm feeling dizzy and lightheaded again, so I will just...wrap this up here.