obliviousally (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
obliviousally) wrote2022-06-08 05:30 pm
obliviousally) wrote2022-06-08 05:30 pm
Entry tags:
[FIC] a sunrise consultation
first time i've ever been caught up with in-game content lol so since tony and i have been rambling with rp lore it's been fun to write things in response to in game events lol
there's, like, bigger context for this in terms of things kailani is dealing with in our rp lore lol
also the siken quote is actually one of kailani's pre-rez tattoos (carried over from pacific rim verse) and it's so on the nose i had to keep it for the lulz. she has the full end quote with 'These, our bodies, possessed by light. Tell me we’ll never get used to it.' bit, but i trimmed it here
no spoilers for this week's content!
“Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.” - Richard Siken, "Scheherazade"
It’s dawn-break and Kailani is seated on the railing behind the Titan Vanguard’s post. The Tower is at a murmur, not yet the bustling space it will be in even an hour or two. There’s something about this ‘before open’ vibe that’s familiar to her. She’s eating some kind of breakfast sandwich acquired from down in The City. In her other hand is a wrapped one.
But she’s not up here just to enjoy the vibe, she’s waiting for the man himself, and when she spots Zavala heading over the catwalk from Shaxx’s spot, she waves at him with the still wrapped sandwich in hand. He looks like he’s about to tell her to get off the railing, the expression on his face one of ‘you know better than to be up there’, but doesn’t. As he gets closer, she tosses the sandwich at him. He catches it, still warm in the wrapper.
“Thought I’d pop over and give you something decent to start your day off with,” the ‘after yesterday….’ remains unspoken as she takes a bite of her sandwich.
“Thank you,” he replies, carefully unwrapping the sandwich.
They sit, so to speak - Kailani on the railing, Zavala leaning against it next to her - in silence for a few moments, watching the Tower slowly come to life as shifts change and vendors arrive and other Guardians trickle in in the warm glow of the morning.
“What are your plans for today, Titan?,” he eventually asks between bites.
“Taking the day off, I think. Some stuff I wanna think about,” she says, popping the last bite of her sandwich in her mouth. “Heard some things the last few weeks I think I should take some time to be introspective about,” she laughs a little bit, hooking her feet on the lower bar of the railing.
“Are…you doing okay?,” a hesitant inquiry from the Awoken.
“Yeah, I’m always fine,” Zavala gives her a sidelong glance and she gives him a Look, “Let me elaborate,” she says, looking back out over the Tower courtyard. “There’s a lot of shit I deal with by separating it out from me. Like, I don’t know, peeling that part off and sticking it up on the wall for later.”
“Compartmentalization isn’t–”
“Ah!,” she cuts him off and he briefly looks surprised, but it passes, “Let me finish.”
A slightly defeated sigh, “Continue.”
“It’s not compartmentalization, I’m not putting my trauma in little boxes and closing them up and shoving them in a pit or a closet or chucking them into the ocean or something. I’d never end up taking care of them that way and I know it. Nor am I carrying them on my back constantly. That peeled piece, I see it every day. I’m fully aware of it, but I know that it will take me a minute to come back to it and process it. And I know I will HAVE to process it and I WANT to process it - I don’t want it lingering around, or coming back to haunt me,” she says maybe a little too pointedly by the look he gives her.
“And I’m not out here trying to give you advice because I’ve never experienced what you have. There’s a reason I try to keep a distance between me and others. Which I also know isn’t a stellar way to deal with things.” At least she’s self-aware of some things.
“That said, ‘I’m fine’ in the way that ‘I’m aware of things I need to deal with but until I can deal with them, I’m fine’. Some stuff just stuck on -me- that I should probably unpack or at least think on.”
A pause before she continues, “That also being said, I think you should pencil in a day off for yourself.”
“I–”
She cuts him off again, waving a hand as she hops down from the railing, “You have a duty? A responsibility? You think the courtyard will fall apart without you holding down the fort?”
He crosses his arms and it’s hard to read if he’s becoming genuinely annoyed with her or if he’s simply trying to close himself off.
“The Titans can go a day without your guidance. The Tower will not crumble.”
“I will….take it into consideration.”
“I get it, something about being a pillar that helps hold shit together is something that feels very familiar to me and I, too, forgo my own well being sometimes so that others don’t have to. And I genuinely feel good doing it, to be able to give others that safety, but it’s not something you can sustain forever without leaving yourself raw and empty. Shit needs time to heal, wounds need time to close, and sometimes that means careful tending. Sometimes it means asking others to be pillars for you in the interim so you can do that.”
Zavala looks as though he wants to respond, but can’t quite find either the words or where to start.
“If you need someone to cover your shift, I’m very good at standing around looking regal and I can fake knowing what I’m doing very, very well,” she gives him a little salute with a grin. “Give me a ring if you wanna take me up on it.”
The Titan Commander sighs and then shoo’s her with a hand, “Enjoy your day off, Kailani.”
there's, like, bigger context for this in terms of things kailani is dealing with in our rp lore lol
also the siken quote is actually one of kailani's pre-rez tattoos (carried over from pacific rim verse) and it's so on the nose i had to keep it for the lulz. she has the full end quote with 'These, our bodies, possessed by light. Tell me we’ll never get used to it.' bit, but i trimmed it here
no spoilers for this week's content!
Memory of Uldren: Our enemies wield our love like daggers. Protect your hearts.
-
Caiatl: I would stay any knife aimed at your throat. Would you have me step aside and let it find its mark?
-
Amanda: Ain’t nothing. It’s what family does.
“Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.” - Richard Siken, "Scheherazade"
It’s dawn-break and Kailani is seated on the railing behind the Titan Vanguard’s post. The Tower is at a murmur, not yet the bustling space it will be in even an hour or two. There’s something about this ‘before open’ vibe that’s familiar to her. She’s eating some kind of breakfast sandwich acquired from down in The City. In her other hand is a wrapped one.
But she’s not up here just to enjoy the vibe, she’s waiting for the man himself, and when she spots Zavala heading over the catwalk from Shaxx’s spot, she waves at him with the still wrapped sandwich in hand. He looks like he’s about to tell her to get off the railing, the expression on his face one of ‘you know better than to be up there’, but doesn’t. As he gets closer, she tosses the sandwich at him. He catches it, still warm in the wrapper.
“Thought I’d pop over and give you something decent to start your day off with,” the ‘after yesterday….’ remains unspoken as she takes a bite of her sandwich.
“Thank you,” he replies, carefully unwrapping the sandwich.
They sit, so to speak - Kailani on the railing, Zavala leaning against it next to her - in silence for a few moments, watching the Tower slowly come to life as shifts change and vendors arrive and other Guardians trickle in in the warm glow of the morning.
“What are your plans for today, Titan?,” he eventually asks between bites.
“Taking the day off, I think. Some stuff I wanna think about,” she says, popping the last bite of her sandwich in her mouth. “Heard some things the last few weeks I think I should take some time to be introspective about,” she laughs a little bit, hooking her feet on the lower bar of the railing.
“Are…you doing okay?,” a hesitant inquiry from the Awoken.
“Yeah, I’m always fine,” Zavala gives her a sidelong glance and she gives him a Look, “Let me elaborate,” she says, looking back out over the Tower courtyard. “There’s a lot of shit I deal with by separating it out from me. Like, I don’t know, peeling that part off and sticking it up on the wall for later.”
“Compartmentalization isn’t–”
“Ah!,” she cuts him off and he briefly looks surprised, but it passes, “Let me finish.”
A slightly defeated sigh, “Continue.”
“It’s not compartmentalization, I’m not putting my trauma in little boxes and closing them up and shoving them in a pit or a closet or chucking them into the ocean or something. I’d never end up taking care of them that way and I know it. Nor am I carrying them on my back constantly. That peeled piece, I see it every day. I’m fully aware of it, but I know that it will take me a minute to come back to it and process it. And I know I will HAVE to process it and I WANT to process it - I don’t want it lingering around, or coming back to haunt me,” she says maybe a little too pointedly by the look he gives her.
“And I’m not out here trying to give you advice because I’ve never experienced what you have. There’s a reason I try to keep a distance between me and others. Which I also know isn’t a stellar way to deal with things.” At least she’s self-aware of some things.
“That said, ‘I’m fine’ in the way that ‘I’m aware of things I need to deal with but until I can deal with them, I’m fine’. Some stuff just stuck on -me- that I should probably unpack or at least think on.”
A pause before she continues, “That also being said, I think you should pencil in a day off for yourself.”
“I–”
She cuts him off again, waving a hand as she hops down from the railing, “You have a duty? A responsibility? You think the courtyard will fall apart without you holding down the fort?”
He crosses his arms and it’s hard to read if he’s becoming genuinely annoyed with her or if he’s simply trying to close himself off.
“The Titans can go a day without your guidance. The Tower will not crumble.”
“I will….take it into consideration.”
“I get it, something about being a pillar that helps hold shit together is something that feels very familiar to me and I, too, forgo my own well being sometimes so that others don’t have to. And I genuinely feel good doing it, to be able to give others that safety, but it’s not something you can sustain forever without leaving yourself raw and empty. Shit needs time to heal, wounds need time to close, and sometimes that means careful tending. Sometimes it means asking others to be pillars for you in the interim so you can do that.”
Zavala looks as though he wants to respond, but can’t quite find either the words or where to start.
“If you need someone to cover your shift, I’m very good at standing around looking regal and I can fake knowing what I’m doing very, very well,” she gives him a little salute with a grin. “Give me a ring if you wanna take me up on it.”
The Titan Commander sighs and then shoo’s her with a hand, “Enjoy your day off, Kailani.”