oh, mama raised me well

tony wanted to pull a couple cards this morning

Dagaz ⇧

god this feels a bit funny to do, since the card has meanings written on it and stuff. gonna use this spotto shout out the people working on it for fighting to take back runes and traditions that use them from nationalists and white supremacists.

What better card for that then the one about the coming dawn, when white supremacists are uhh... somewhere else. Maybe 6 feet somewhere else?

Not sure, but Dagaz is telling me to be hopeful, so I’m imagining a best case scenario. Dagaz doesn’t read in reverse typically, as that’s a tarot tradition. But you can read the reverse meanings into it if you feel like you need to. My thoughts aren’t meant to own yours.

Death (shovel) ⇩

Sometimes coming to peace with change is realizing that change needn’t have happened. That something wasn’t truly done, just yet.

When that happens, you take up your shovel and dig that corpse back up. At its best, this is recognizing an error and trying to make right. This is giving space to something you didn’t give proper space to before. At its worst, this is nostalgia. This is coming back to something and deciding not to let go. This is rarely as dangerous as the stubborn death, but recognize when it’s time to put the thing back. That’s it.

in reverse, this old wound you draw from the ground... is it worth it? Why bring up the past when it’s so dead and gone? Take time to meditate on how this old wound still aches and hurts you and everyone else. stitch it up before you put it away. trauma won’t feed the ground, it will just fester.

8 of Cups ⇧

The 8 of cups is one of those kinda somber ones. When we’re in difficult situations, sometimes we daydream and escape it all in fantasy. This card is about that— not facing the current problems, either because we don’t want to, or we just cant.

This ‘head in the clouds’ setup in our minds can be useful. it can help take our minds off difficult situations. it can also be detrimental, where we won’t face the truth to spare our pride or our feelings. be careful reading this with other cards. one side of it is kindness from pain, the other is ignorance.

In reverse, this card represents the way we sequester ourselves away from pain in our own little bubbles, protecting ourselves by disconnecting from the rest of the world. From those who would help us, even. It’s time to come back down from the clouds. It hurts, but it’s real. we all have to learn to live with that.

at pride today, two pups came up to us and interacted (tony was in pup gear) and one of them offered to pick from a deck of cards. so, leaving this here for reference lol

tony: the magician

Traditional Upright Meaning: Creativity, directing your will, putting thoughts into action, constructive power, manifestation, skill, communication, getting started, technology, magic, creative visualization, initiative, work, self-confidence, making something tangible, eloquence, persuasion, subtlety, being resourceful, ability, concentration ☄

mine: four of knives (swords)

Traditional Upright Meaning: Rest, healing, rejuvenation, relaxation, peace and quiet, self-love, sanctuary, recuperation, transmutation of shadow, self-protection, deep contemplation, introspection, need for solitude, meditation, regrouping, convalescence, planning for the future, taking time to decompress, self-care, spiritual support, having faith ☄

04/30
time-ish: late afternoon

[The Queen of Bombs] ⇧

She stands for life, liberty, and the american way. which is of course bull shit. Ha.

The Queen of bombs is the nuclear wife. she is the caretaker and supporter of those who go out in the world, and she is the lap you curl up in to feel safe.

She will also destroy anything that gets in the way of that. She is motherliness as considered in the 50s, with the underlying threat of utter annihilation. She is the one who calms you in the face of the horrid reality of our planet’s potential end, of the creeping and unstoppable anxiety of climate change, of the possibility that a single nuclear warhead might lead to mutual annihilation. her calming touch also feels a little flat in comparison to those possibilities, but it can be okay to lie to yourself to feel good, sometimes.

in reverse, she is the apathetic hand of annihilation itself. You can find solace in there, but it’s not a warm one. Cool and quiet.

end of day thoughts
note: i initially pulled [The Alley] ⇧ again, but it was in the deck backwards so i re-shuffled and pulled another

04/29
time-ish: late evening

[The Alley] ⇧

this is a personal one. sorry.

i spend most of my time in alleys in various places, at various times, in various other places. literal world hopping.

alleys are so homey. it’s where people pass on secret shortcuts. It’s where side entrances are to most anywhere. it’s where you go to hide, to sleep. it’s where the trash accumulates. it’s all the unintended mistakes and side effects of having a society. damn.

maybe this is just me, but when i meet people here, they are the ones I’m supposed to meet at the time I’m supposed to meet them. it feels like the place where things happen. where they come together just right.

in a strange sort of way, I think of it as my community. a place where anything and everything belongs, if there’s nowhere else to be or go.

if you do reverse, this is abandonment and being truly alone and forgotten.

end of day thoughts
this feels kind of appropriate this time b/c i did just spend my evening in an alley-ish bar/tavern with my mom lol

04/28
time-ish: evening

[The Three of Wands] ⇧

The three of wands is openness to new ideas, preparation to make those ideas a reality, and the flight on a new journey.

There are good things ahead, and you need only chase after them to attain them. be mindful of new paths, and be ready to take them at a moment’s notice.

in reverse, this card speaks to being held back by self doubt. a lack of readiness to push out on a journey just yet— this is not bad. sometimes it’s just right that you take more time preparing. you’re not watching opportunity pass you by— that is always happening at every moment— fuck that nonsense. you are preparing. gaining confidence. the jump is scary, so gather your courage.

end of day thoughts
this feels like whiplash compared to yesterday lol but i guess things need to end to begin anew

04/27
time-ish: evening

[Death (sowing)] ⇧

This is the one most likely to mean literal death of all of them. If that is what you receive, I’m sorry.

in other cases, it speaks of ending things to let them seed. our bodies feed the earth. Let whatever is ending, changing, in your life become seeds for your future.

Sometimes this must mean you take up the scythe yourself to cut down the crops, the end things early. But know that you must do so thinking of the future, not just of the ending now. The bodies will heal the ground, sustain the creatures. There will be more bodies.

Make your plans in the same way. When you prepare to cut one down, have another prepared to rise. The energy you gain back from letting something go will let you thrive in a new something.

In reverse, I see bodies raining back from the ground. You are reminded of all the things you cut down and never made peace with. Never prepared for. Never moved on from. Take your time. it tends to be a lot.

end of day thoughts
hmm

04/26
time-ish: hour to midnight

[The Seven of Bells] ⇧

the creatures of the wood would make you one of them. At the chime of the bell, you are being transformed into something you are not, gone solid from the inside out.

your life does not feel like your life anymore. you have been made into something other people need you to be. you have taken on the needs of others far before your own. this is folly. push it to change once more. you can return to yourself if you find what made you this way and confront it.

in reverse, this is the catharsis of stepping away from your struggles for a while. you don’t have to face your hardships alone at all times. No, you can seek vacation. Tourism in a body that isn’t your own. GO do something you wouldn’t normally do. Even if its frivolous, feels unimportant. We must be comfortable in ourselves enough to just be silly and free from time to time.

end of day thoughts
huh. this is one of those that feels like maybe the inverse would've been more apt

04/25
time-ish: evening

[The Page of Pentacles] ⇩

The first steps into material stability, whether it be friends, items, money, or otherwise.

the first step is laying ground. this is the beginnings of developing a plan, setting up future prospects, and spotting the possibility ahead.

the page of pentacles is a hopeful card, always has been. Good news lies ahead because you took the time to look before setting down roots. you will be rewarded for thinking before you set down. loyal, true, and good.

In reverse, this card is haziness, having no clear or set goals, not knowing what you want to do, and thus having no follow through to do the things. this lack of forethought is typical for those who flit from opportunity to opportunity without setting roots.

You have less to lose when you don’t have anything, I suppose.

end of day thoughts
a fair assessment, honestly.

04/24
time-ish: evening

[Death (fire)] ⇩

The desolation. Change comes to all, but this death leaves nothing behind. You will not just be letting something go to move on, something will be burnt away. There is no going back. You may remember the husk of what’s left, but it cannot be used again. Approximating it to start anew can be done, but it is most often folly.

this does not have to hurt, it just means that when it happens, you can’t return to how things were. suck it up, bud, you can clear the ashes and start over. if you are a glutton for punishment, make it the same way. If you feel like you want to learn from this, make it out of things that can’t burn down. i’d suggest stone.

if you do reverses, this is the death of intentional malice. you cry at the ashes of what has been destroyed, but it was your own match. Guilt, guilt, guilt. but you wanted it to burn, didn’t you?

end of day thoughts
hm.

04/23
time-ish: mid afternoon

[The High Priestess] ⇧

The Priestess is divine knowledge, not necessarily of religious stuff, but of the truth. It’s intuition, it’s knowing right from wrong, the real situation before you.

It can also be a reminder to take a moment to think through something, to listen to your inner voice. it tends to be useful!

The priestess is often ignored, considered less than. but if you are touched by her, you know what you must do, and who is at work here. often her knowledge is cast aside by those who think they know what’s best. But she stands apart and sees whats in the heavens. as above so below and all that. you know the truth. do not let others tell you otherwise.

if you do reverses, you may be mistaking what you know for facts. zealotry in knowledge is the most dangerous kind. Or there may be secrets. uncover ‘em! Clouded vision is useful to no one.

end of day thoughts
FOURTH time getting her! i shuffled the SHIT out of my deck today, too lol

04/22
time-ish: evening

[The Emperor] ⇩

the emperor is the tactician and the logistics nerd. always worried about how things should logically work, about putting things in their proper places. the emperor would as soon cast himself in gold as he would consider change. he thinks he found order and the ‘proper’ place for all things.

If you have ever been alive, you know it’s not that easy. at his best, the emperor is even-handed and smart in a situation. Knowing what you should be, or who, can be useful. at his worst, he’s so self-certain that his method, his rule, is the right one, which is folly. we often only know what’s best for us, not others. also he forgets to have
fun. so that’s a choice.

if you do reverses, the emperor is cast gold and unmoving. rigidity to the point of being breakable. The rule of law here may be stiff, even a bit sturdy, but it does not flex, it does not bend. it is on the verge of breaking under stress. don’t test it. Just change it.

end of day thoughts
feels like i need to file 'don't test it. just change it.' to my brain

04/21
time-ish: late evening

[The High Priestess] ⇩

The Priestess is divine knowledge, not necessarily of religious stuff, but of the truth. It’s intuition, it’s knowing right from wrong, the real situation before you.

It can also be a reminder to take a moment to think through something, to listen to your inner voice. it tends to be useful!

The priestess is often ignored, considered less than. but if you are touched by her, you know what you must do, and who is at work here. often her knowledge is cast aside by those who think they know what’s best. But she stands apart and sees whats in the heavens. as above so below and all that. you know the truth. do not let others tell you otherwise.

if you do reverses, you may be mistaking what you know for facts. zealotry in knowledge is the most dangerous kind. Or there may be secrets. uncover ‘em! Clouded vision is useful to no one.

end of day thoughts
hmm. second time i've gotten this reversed. this is a deck of, like, 150+ cards lol getting anything a second time is always a surprise. guess i'll mull this one over

04/20
time-ish: evening

[The Alley] ⇩

this is a personal one. sorry.

i spend most of my time in alleys in various places, at various times, in various other places. literal world hopping.

alleys are so homey. it’s where people pass on secret shortcuts. It’s where side entrances are to most anywhere. it’s where you go to hide, to sleep. it’s where the trash accumulates. it’s all the unintended mistakes and side effects of having a society. damn.

maybe this is just me, but when i meet people here, they are the ones I’m supposed to meet at the time I’m supposed to meet them. it feels like the place where things happen. where they come together just right.

in a strange sort of way, I think of it as my community. a place where anything and everything belongs, if there’s nowhere else to be or go.

if you do reverse, this is abandonment and being truly alone and forgotten.

end of day thoughts
this card across the board has very mixed signals lol so i'm not sure if the reverse really holds a lot of weight?

04/19
time-ish: evening

[The Thing Among Reflections] ⇧

I only notice this card sometimes. Like it comes and goes on its own. when it comes up in a reading, i view it as an inkling of something being wrong in what we see, how we perceive the world. a sense of anxiety and something being slightly... off.

More than anything, I read this card as a disconnect between you and how you think of yourself. Your anxiety that what you see in the mirror is somehow not you. Dissociation and separation of self from the vessel. Days when your routine feel strange and too large for you. Imposters and imposter syndrome alike.

As advice, I see it as a reminder that there is nothing else that can live for you. You must do it yourself, for who you see in the mirror is in fact you, even when it doesn’t look like it.

in reverse, I see a difficult episode of anxiety and trauma. a separation from the self and a period lost in the reflections of who you are.

end of day thoughts
this doesn't feel like it's apt for anything in specific, tbh. at least, as i can see it right now

04/18
time-ish: evening

[The Ace of Swords] ⇩

Lifting up the sword, you take up the mantle of ‘decider’. Swords are that suit of the mind, critical thought, logic. You now hold the tool that cuts truth from lies. this is a remarkable power that requires absolute mental clarity to be held
with proper conviction. It is often a sign that you are moving toward the right decision, the great logical choice. holding a sword aloft also tends to signal victory, so there’s that.

be wary of the reverse, though. this is the one who wields a sword with improper form, with foolish intentions, destroying good things and finding truth where there is none, falseness where there is only truth. this can signal a mental blockage, or a falling apart of plans, or certainly making the wrong decision.

end of day thoughts
ah, not foreboding at all

04/17
time-ish: mid-afternoon

[The Nine of Discs] ⇩

You throw yourself on the fire to keep your wealth cooking. who reaps the rewards of your sacrifice? do you do this willingly? It certainly seems that way. your job won’t ever love you the way you love it.

the advice this imparts I think is clear enough. You can have wealth, or support it for others, but it’s costing you your very body. What toll does this take on you? probably more than you realized. more than you can actually give and keep going.

Recognize who is dependent on who in this situation. Is this even about you at all, or is it about someone else toiling for you? it will be clear if you consider it, i promise.

In reverse, this card warns that you are killing yourself for literally nothing. There is no reward at the end of this. No compensation for giving up your time, your life. your hard work will not be noticed where you’re putting it. It’s time to recognize who does and doesn’t deserve you.

end of the day thoughts

04/16
time-ish: late evening

[The House of God] ⇧

the mind. if we spend too long in it, we will succumb to its darknesses. its fears. the world we live in is artificial, made up of our mind’s interpretations.

Some days, this feels like violence, doesn’t it? Like the world is arbitrary and massive and at times, yes, even cruel.

sometimes that’s even true. it feels like something so much bigger than you is pressing down and unstoppable. There is no easy remedy to that. There is no advice here, no fixes. Just recognition of the feeling.

in reverse, things are starting to literally feel artificial. you are growing apart from your own life. apathy. it feels like a different kind of oppression. a lack of meaning. take heart, dissociating is not truth, even if it feels like it.

end of day thoughts
this one feels like it's coming out of left field

04/15
time-ish: almost midnight lol

[The High Priestess] ⇩

The Priestess is divine knowledge, not necessarily of religious stuff, but of the truth. It’s intuition, it’s knowing right from wrong, the real situation before you.

It can also be a reminder to take a moment to think through something, to listen to your inner voice. it tends to be useful!

The priestess is often ignored, considered less than. but if you are touched by her, you know what you must do, and who is at work here. often her knowledge is cast aside by those who think they know what’s best. But she stands apart and sees whats in the heavens. as above so below and all that. you know the truth. do not let others tell you otherwise.

if you do reverses, you may be mistaking what you know for facts. zealotry in knowledge is the most dangerous kind. Or there may be secrets. uncover ‘em! Clouded vision is useful to no one.

end of day thoughts
i don't have any thoughts on this rn, i wanted to make sure i pulled a card before midnight though haha

04/14
time-ish: evening

[The Seven of Wands] ⇩

You stand up raw, sometimes alone. you are fighting for your right to be here, to be heard. this is a testament to your strength, but also your ability to assert yourself and your power, your beliefs.

this is resistance. others will mistake it for bullheadedness, unwillingness to cooperate. they often won’t understand what you’re doing, and will blame you for a lack of harmony in their lives.

take care not to give into the need to always be right. those who walk alone sometimes fail to see why so many walk together. don’t give in to destructive and isolatory beliefs at every turn. it’s not strength to ignore help, or when you’re outright wrong.

in reverse, this is giving up on your beliefs, giving in too easily, or at times being too intense for your own good, or the good of what you stand for. again, stay humble.

end of day thoughts
*looks at yesterdays, looks at todays* what the fuck is this bullshit

04/13
time-ish: early morning before work

[The Three of Wands] ⇩

The three of wands is openness to new ideas, preparation to make those ideas a reality, and the flight on a new journey.

There are good things ahead, and you need only chase after them to attain them. be mindful of new paths, and be ready to take them at a moment’s notice.

in reverse, this card speaks to being held back by self doubt. a lack of readiness to push out on a journey just yet— this is not bad. sometimes it’s just right that you take more time preparing. you’re not watching opportunity pass you by— that is always happening at every moment— fuck that nonsense. you are preparing. gaining confidence. the jump is scary, so gather your courage.

end of day thoughts
got this one a couple days ago. also confidently flipped this one over to the left and still ended up with it inverted lol