oh, mama raised me well

may feels like it flew by, too, but looking back at the pics from last month, some of these seem a much longer time ago. especially seeing the aurora and going to the punk rock flea market. also started going to the coffee shop to work on art, and finally went to pick out new glasses (that we need to pick up lol)

I GOT TO SEE THE AURORA (a little bit) LAST NIGHT!!!!!





full size pics b/c they're not great lol but just that little bit of green-ish ribbon in the sky!!!! i'd been out a bit earlier (in the 9:00 hour) and got to see a STRONG green ribbon go over us, but didn't get a pic of it b/c i didn't have my phone (i didn't expect to see anything at all lol) and i ran back inside to get tony

our location definitely wasn't ideal, of course. bottom of a street, surrounded by trees. i could SEE something going on on the far side of the trees to the north, but not much was making it our way that was visible by the naked eye. i could see the sky changing color a little bit, it was mostly a deep purple and then you'd see some faint green or even pink-ish shades sometimes

it was still VERY cool, regardless of being able to not see much. that little glimpse i got had me so excited lol

it's raining now, but it may clear up later this evening, but i'm not holding my breath. i also have D&D tonight so idk if the viewing will be better in goodyear or not lol



we also had some great clouds during the day yesterday. it was cooler, but it'd stormed/rained the day before, so it left us with these big puffy clouds and beautiful blue skies

i ran errands (grocery mostly) and went to the coffee shop (angel falls) to draw/work on commissions, which has been my tactic to get me to actually work on things recently lol



i get to get a little icey coffee and a little sweet treat and i spend some time hyperfocusing on drawing while also eavesdropping on nearby conversations. it's been working GREAT lol

chris, sam, and i went to the punk rock flea market last weekend. i keep forgetting to take a pic of what i bought - a shirt from tittybats and two patches! i also got some zilla 98 stickers for tony from the arttoons booth

[insert pic here eventually]

also had a really good cheesesteak after we bailed from another food truck that we realized was plastered on the side with pd stickers and 'blue lives matter' shit - which was unfortunate as they had good sounding chicken sandwiches and something called a 'stoner bowl'. after we bounced from the line we realized it was SUPER short and other people were noticing and leaving the line as well lol

had my ultrasound for my thyroid last week, too, no news on it yet however. whenever i see my Assigned PCP, i'll get some insight on that mess

they're replacing the HVAC at work the last week or two and they're still not done and it hasn't been TOO bad on the warm days (just a bit stuffy sometimes), but it's rainy/dreary/cooler today so i'm wrapped up in my hoodie x_x

april went by so fast??????

i've been petsitting for chris+sam this last week (they're in florida with andrew!) and it's been pretty nice. i am very grateful for the weather being quite decent overall so i can scooty across town (they live in goodyear) and take nice pictures lol



ferret has been VERY photogenic this time around

we did have some storms, and a really nasty storm that went nearby us, which made for some great skies at sunset, as well



i've been taking a lot of photos along the bike trail of grafitti, as well, since a lot has changed since i went this route a year or so ago when i petsat last time lol

i am in LOVE with that glitchy looking DVD one tbh

---

other than that, it's been a pretty lowkey week. worked. played some destiny (ran 'the whisper' and then pulled tony in at the end to beat the boss and made it with under one minute to spare x_x also watching a lot of buzzfeed unsolved supernatural lol

went to my appointment about my thyroid last week, too, and nothing new on that front. i have to schedule an ultrasound and got a bunch of bloodwork done (everything looks good aside from some slightly low iron stuff, but i also was very smart and hadn't eaten or anything beforehand lol)

i am looking forward to not having two terrorist cats wake me up at 5:30am for their breakfast lol just one terrorist cat who aims for 7-8am instead and i can sleep through his shenanigans for the most part

i've been waiting for this eclipse since the partial in 2017 SOLELY BECAUSE

it fell on my fuckin birthday

chances? well, actually not all that uncommon - they often fall in spring and fall and this is the 3rd that's fallen on the 8th in the last 40~ years (1986, 2005). BUTTT, obviously, this is the one that fell on my birthday WHERE I COULD SEE TOTALITY so that's obvious hella important

so initially i was aiming to get friends together to drive out and do something, but that kinda fell thru (a mutual friend was forced to work that day, so everyone kind of ended up doing their own thing). instead, it was tony and my mom and i and we drove up to Vermilion River Reservation: Mill Hollow b/c it was the most accessible, kinda-in-the-boonies, closest-to-the-center, easily drivable spot i found. i waffled between two different parks, but this one was smack dab middle, which means it would get as long as possible for totality AND it wasn't a super long drive, either (about an hour and a half)

THE NIGHT BEFORE, someone posted in my work discord about how someone in their extended family (an aunt-in-law) knows someone that drives the weinermobile and they got to check it out up close - TO WHICH I THOUGHT 'WOW THAT'S INTERESTING THEY MUST BE LOCAL' b/c, like, the day before the eclipse? no one is going out of town, which means the weinermobile MUST be going somewhere locally for an eclipse event. so i went hunting around AND DISCOVERED they were gonna be in medina at the PERFECT TIME for us to stop and see them

which is one of tony's life-long bucket list dream things

we had tried to see it at a bj's locally last summer, but they never showed, which was kind of a bummer. but i figured, listen, it's the ECLIPSE IN THE TOTALITY ZONE, they are probably going to show up

so i penciled it into the schedule

sunday night was uneventful otherwise. i ran out and grabbed a few things, and pulled the mattress down from the porch for my mom, b/c she was going to come out and crash here instead of coming in the morning, but that ended up falling through and she still ended up coming monday morning instead lol but it gave me some time in the morning to run an errand with her and then she helped me get all the food stuff together and the car packed while tony woke up

it had rained in the morning, but not long after i got up the sun was starting to come out. i was making deals with the weather gods for weeks now to give us, at least, brief clear skies for totality. AT LEAST. and the forecast for the day was predicting scattered cloudiness, so i had high hopes

we drove out to medina for the weinermobile, it was gonna be at this alien-themed indoor mini golf place close to downtown and wasn't difficult to find. as we came down the road to the corner it's on, we were greeted by TWO WEINERMOBILES

🌭🌭

tony shrieked with delight




we got stickers and weiner whistles and the one had its door open so we were able to peep inside (couldn't GO inside, but still fun to take a look). it was a very fun not-really-even-a-detour for the day

the drive up to vermillion was kinda boring - everything out west of us is basically flat farmland, so not much to see unless we passed through a little town. we did see chickens and a rooster, alpacas, and some texas longhorns a long way from texas!



we got to vermillion close to 2pm, which was perfect timing. unloaded the car and found a nice spot to make ourselves comfortable. there weren't a lot of people there! i did discover, later however, that we pulled in the little park area before what i had labeled on my maps, but it was, like, the same vicinity lol. i wonder if the area further in would've been more occupied, but the spot we ended up at was very nice. the reservation is set down in these shale cliffs, so they rise up around the area, which was very cool



we hung out and ate and watched the moon work its way across the face of the sun for the hour. it was SO cool to watch the light change, to feel the temps cool as the sun was blacked out. the lighting was almost like the onset or after of a thunderstorm - where the dark sky is on one side and then the late day sun is on the other, giving that real dramatic atmosphere. absolutely one of my fave visuals tbh

i kept trying to get accurate pictures of the lighting, but my phone camera was not equipped lol



3:10 PM | 3:12 PM
3:15 PM | 3:16 PM


it was, hands down, the coolest thing i've experienced. when you take your eclipse glasses off after that last tiny sliver disappears and you go from the blackness of the glasses to the blotted out sun with that silver ring around it - so fuckin' cool and absolutely awe-inspiring. people shouted and clapped, everyone was stoked to be experiencing something most of us here won't be able to experience again w/o money and ability to travel - once in a lifetime for a lot of people. the last total eclipse in ohio was in 1806, the next one is something like 2099

i absolutely see why people chase eclipses like people chase storms. if i had the money, i would find a way to see one every year

it felt like a long 3 minutes, but also so fleeting

i did think it would get darker! but sometimes you've gotta experience something to understand why that doesn't make sense haha - i had thought it would get FULL dark - like night w/o any ambient light, but realizing, yeah, the moon is only blocking our view of the sun and the sun is still RIGHT THERE beaming out rays around the mood, it made sense why it didn't, but the darkness was STILL cool - more like dusk than night with the all around sunset

the temp drop was cool, as well as the random breezes we'd get!

there were also a TON of (what we were pretty sure were) vultures flying above the hollow right before totality. tony and my mom counted something like 14-16

after totality, a lot of people left the park. we planned to stick around for a bit just to avoid any traffic and, well, we drove an hour and a half up there, may as well enjoy ourselves. we ate some more, watched the other half of partiality, packed up the car and then took a little walk around the trails and the river




stuck our feet in the river, collected some shells and shale, watched butterflies, etc., etc

the drive back was about the same as the drive up, but we decided to stop back in medina to check out the little bookshop there (most other things in their downtown area were closed by 6-ish)



real cute little shop. we bought some art prints and stickers (i don't really buy books anymore unless one sticks with me lol b/c i can always read for free at work). we also wandered a bit and popped into a little kitchenware/gourmet shop and picked up an enchilada soup mix and honey sticks lol. definitely other stuff i would've liked to try, but did not have the money for lol

got back home around 7pm or so. my mom headed out and we unpacked the car. i was very thankful i worked at noon on monday lol b/c i could actually get some sleep/rest b/c i was BEAT

but, yeah. a good birthday. a good monday. a good eclipse

looking forward to warmer weather

so this last week the weather was making my gums swell, which isn't an uncommon occurrence. i often get some sinus issues around this time of year and, because of that, my gums swell, as well. i wasn't awfully worried, just kept an eye on things

thursday it was definitely hurting more, but i went out and had an early bday dinner with my mom and came home afterwards. it was definitely more painful and, over the night, i took a cocktail of meds lol (sinus meds, gabs, arthritis asprin, some of tony's leftover kidney stone painkillers - only the latter really helped in any significant way). friday, i woke up and the swelling was SIGNIFICANT and i started thinking it was a more serious infection or an abscess. medicated myself again, called off work

saturday i woke up and what as DEFINITELY an abscess of some sort was big enough that it was impacting how i spoke (tongue was touching it when my mouth was closed), so i threw on some clothes and went up to the ER (the good one at akron general). got taken back pretty quickly (waiting room was empty when i got there) and when the NP came to see me, she sent me for a CT scan to see how deep the infection was

waited around for results to come back and, yeah, definitely a dental abscess

BUT ALSO

a large nodule on my thyroid 🙃🙃🙃

5.5 x 4.0 x 3.0 cm large

like, kiwi-sized at 5cm

so the NP tells me, get this checked out ASAP. the bigger they are, the higher chance (7-15%) it could be cancerous. but, either way, over 4cm, they require surgery. it may not be immediate, i imagine there's variables to it, if it's benign then it can probably wait. if it's malignant it's a higher priority

so, i gotta make an appointment to follow up on it, but i also don't have insurance anymore b/c i make a cool $300 over the threshold for medicaid so idk how this will actually pan out in the long run here

anyhow, i get discharged, drag my ass up to walgreens and pay out of pocked thirty-four fucking dollars for antibiotics, then head home and on the way home the abscess pops x_x thankfully just fluid and not nastier abscess contents, at least. but it was a big relief - after it drained a bit and i took the antibiotics and some more painkillers i was able to eat something substantial last night and today and i'm feeling marginally more functional (was able to attend pathfinder today)

i am hoping SOME of the swelling/size is related to the infection and just the general swelling in my sinuses/face and it goes down a little bit in the next couple days, tho

---

so now i've been combing thru thyroid issue symptoms to see what i missed. i actually WAS aware there was a lump there, but it didn't feel out of place b/c it was so close to the center of my throat, i just thought it was muscle/fat moving under the skin when i pressed it. now i'm hyperaware of it lol and can feel why it's concerning

apparently some of the things that are common in early/perimenopause have overlap with thyroid symptoms in women - irregular/missed/super heavy periods (i've rambled about this here and there, it was one of the first things i noticed after my birthday last year) and changes in hair (my hair has gotten a lot thinner? i haven't lost any, persay, but its texture is a bit different and it gets oily a LOT faster than it used to). i sometimes have to clear my throat a lot after eating certain types of food (definitely mcd's, maybe greasy stuff in general??) that wasn't a thing before.

but a lot of other thyroid symptoms i haven't noticed (things like weight loss/gain - i've stayed about the same, nothing significant). i did wake up soaked in sweat last night, but i think that may have been a combo of antibiotics, the heat kicking on, and the warm blanket my mom just bought me. if it keeps happening, i'll add it to the symptom list lol

i also wonder if the thyroid issue is what's been causing my neck/head aches when i try to draw certain ways, as well, because that didn't seem to be a huge thing until the last year or so

but all of these things didn't pop up until around/after my birthday last year, so at least i have a time frame. i know i got a CT scan when i got that minor concussion a few years ago and i would imagine they also scanned my neck at the time, as well, and i would think something like this would come up on it even without the contrast dye

so, yeah, maybe gonna take off tomorrow and make some calls and see what the damage for this shit is gonna be

i feel like i've just dissociated through the last two months, what the fuck

we've had two false springs so far, which were pretty nice all things considered. half of this time of year that's a struggle for me is i KNOW nice weather is around the corner and i KNOW winter is not fully over. but every time the temps rise and the sun comes out and then winter comes back and kicks me on my ass, i'm just uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh about it

tired of layers tired of the house being closed up tired of not being able to just go and fuck around w/o worrying about the cold/weather/whatever

still trying to pay down this debt thing. i think i have $1700 left? so fucking much, it feels like, but so fucking close to being done with it. but motivation for commissions has been at an all-time low and i also haven't been picking up any cheaper/quicker (booties, for example), either. and i have a couple big pieces i need to finish up but, god, i do not have the energy/motivation/creative spark for any of them

the furry zine i'm organizing has been going well, however (i still need to figure out what i want to add to it myself, but tony submitted a short story). it's about at the point where the pages are gonna be maxed out, which is pretty cool! excited to be able to print them and share them with people



destiny has been kind of a slog/boring. i wasn't real into this last season (wish) outside of the story stuff, but at least guardian games gave me something to do for a hot minute. i guess i could go back and see what i need to maybe get the titles for the last couple seasons this expansion, but also hhhhhhhhhh at the same time

work hasn't been anything spectacular. we got a new part time guy, we finished our consulting thing, we're thinking ahead about summer reading and plans for that. i've been bitching about our 150th anniversary passport booklets and how marketing dropped the ball on actually creating cute stamps for the passports and, instead, sent all the branches stamps with our branch name in all caps sans serif font


deeply infuriating

i got mad and mocked up some sticker options, even tho nothing will come of it. helps get my rage about it out lol



D&D has been going well - we've been meeting pretty regularly (every other week, at least). we almost had a TPK session before last, but WE SURVIVED ｡･:*˚:✧｡

*** with the help of boozy potions our dm made for the party - luck (rumplemintz+blackberry) and health (rumplemintz+watermelon). we had to con him into letting us use the health potions to stabilize our party members (by physically pouring it into their mouth at the table lol) b/c FOUR of us went down and had to make death saving throws and they were NOT GOOD death saving throws, either

but WE SURVIVED ｡･:*˚:✧｡



i chucked a bunch of seeds in pots earlier in the month and i've got sprouts already, so trying to look forward to that! trying to commit to getting a jump on the garden so i'm not putting it in the ground in fuckin june or july or some stupid shit

started a multiplayer save on stardew valley with tony, since 1.6 launched and there's a bunch of new stuff. we ended up wearing the exact same outfit with no prior planning



sam and i were gonna go to see the crane wives at beachland ballroom next month, but when the tickets went up in december we didn't rush to grab them b/c we thought, well, who ELSE locally even knows them? we should be able to easily grab some in the next month or two

and then it turns out they sold out WITHIN THREE DAYS (good for them tbh)

but a little bummed about it! i keep trying to find secondhand tickets and no one is releasing their grip on theirs, unfortunately

---

i leave you, dear reader, with this

came home from games around 1am on sunday morning and tony had gotten up to go to the bathroom shortly after i arrived home and then went back into the bedroom and almost immediately upon returning to the bathroom was in IMMENSE pain

ended up calling the paramedics, i kept a loose log of the night/morning lol

EDIT 2:42 AM
called paramedics b/c he was saying it might be a kidney stone or his appendix and he was sounding pretty bad

went to the hospital his dr is thru and got triaged to the waiting room so I'm pretty sure we're gonna be here all fucking night b/c this waiting room is littered with people

should've gone to Akron General tbh

EDIT 3:15 AM
out of the waiting room, at least

EDIT 3:48 AM
back out to the waiting room. for a bit, now finally in an er room. he's gotta do a urine sample but peed literally just before they called him back so a catheter might be in the cards (which may well give him a panic attack)

i also don't know how we're getting home! a lyft is kinda pricey and, like, I have the money for it but I know waiting for it is going to be A Chore and everyone we know is asleep b/c i was literally hanging out with them until 1am

EDIT 4:58 AM
well, they sure came thru with the signoffs on the insurance and such in a timely manner. a nurse also came by to pick up urine sample and said she'd see if what the Dr wants to do regarding pain relief

EDIT 5:27 AM
i am STRUGGLING to stay awake. Dr still hasn't been in

EDIT 6:56 AM
he did eventually get some painkillers and anti-nausea. waiting to see about a CT scan, tho, to see what the kidney stone situation is

EDIT 7:26 AM
finalllllyyyyy taking him for CT scan. maybe we'll get out of here by 9am

surprise! we didn't get out until, like, 11am or something!!! but at least the lyft was cheaper. they sent him home with scripts for painkillers and to hopefully help dissolve the stone - but it's taking its sweet time, it's still lingering around

after we got home from the hospital i took a nap for a few hours and then drug myself out to pick up his scripts. the ER said they'd be at the cvs across from the hospital, which is on east market. his scripts USUALLY go to the cvs on west market, but i just figured okay they sent them to the closest one by the hospital anyhow

so i trek out and go to east mkt. they are not at east mkt. they are at west mkt, where they're usually filled. okay, alright, i'll bus across town



WHICH BEGAN MY DAY FROM HELL

let me share my bsky posts, which really show the day beat for beat

ally 🔪 obliviousally | Feb 25, 2024 at 5:33 PM
WENT TO THE WRONG CVS TO PICK UP MEDS B/C THE DISCHARGE PAPERS SAID EAST MARKET AND I WAS LIKE WELL WHY DIDN'T THEY SEND THE TO THE WEST MARKET LOCATION HIS MEDS ARE USUALLY ARE BUT WHATEVER MAYBE THEY THINK THIS IS MORE CONVENIENT

BUT THEY'RE AT WEST MARKET SO I'M TREKKING BACK ACROSS TOWN

ally 🔪 obliviousally | Feb 25, 2024 at 5:34 PM
THE CAPS ARE NECESSARY B/C I AM ON THE BUS AND IT'S NOT POLITE TO JUST AAAAAAAAAAAAAA SCREAM ON THE BUS

ally 🔪 obliviousally | Feb 25, 2024 at 5:36 PM
anyhow real full moon bullshit this weekend i guess

ally 🔪 obliviousally | Feb 25, 2024 at 5:56 PM
THE FUCKING PHARMACY CLOSES AT 5PM ON SUNDAY WHAT THE FUCK I'M GOING TO FUCKING CRY IN PUBLIC

ally 🔪 obliviousally | Feb 25, 2024 at 6:05 PM
IT'S JUST THE PHARMACY ON WEST MARKET B/C BAS AT THE PHARMACY ON EAST MARKET AFTER 5PM

I NEED TEXT FORMATTING TO REALLY GET THROUGH HOW FUCKIN MAD I AM THAT LAST SENTENCE NEEDS TO BE INCREASINGLY BOLDED

ally 🔪 obliviousally | Feb 25, 2024 at 6:13 PM
crisis slightly averted, can transfer them TO THE EAST MARKET LOCATION I WAS PREVIOUSLY AT and they'll be ready around 8pm (e market is open 24hr)

ally 🔪 obliviousally | Feb 25, 2024 at 7:15 PM
back across town to get these scripts finally. barring any unforseen circumstances

also got sushi and a cake as a treat b/c WE DESERVED IT

ally 🔪 obliviousally | Feb 25, 2024 at 7:23 PM
UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCE (kinda): buses stop running around 7:30/8, but i can take a scooter home that's not a huge deal

i suspected they ended late, but hadn't gone to check the actual schedules yet lol

ally 🔪 obliviousally | Feb 25, 2024 at 7:24 PM
also called tf off work tomorrow b/c i still need to get a bath and do laundry and shit fuckin hell

i was so fuckin tired. the upside was: it was a pretty nice day all things considered

also, on the way home in the evening, discovered there's some coyotes in the back part of the neighborhood b/c i passed by a house where you could hear them yipping and yapping in the darkness of the trees

i meant to write this post,,,,, uuhhhhhh last week?????

but this last week was a s l o g, so i'm writing it today!

zipcon was on the 10th! and i took over the furry panel for another local furry (thegothbear) i know (they had a mascot thing in pittsburgh that came up), so i was Required to be in attendance lol

got there early, ran into other furry folks i know (including jeff, who i recruited to help out) and ran around to get my panel attendee badge from staff before i got stuff set up/organized. i made new furmeet brochures and thegothbear made some cute panel badges for folks attending. when i helped with the meet in, uhhhh, 2020?? there were about ~25-30 people in attendance and a handful of suiters?? 'after' covid (loosely speaking - when the con started up again, at least) in 2023, there wasn't a panel/planned meet, but a bunch of folks gathered in the eating area and got a pic. so we figured - probably at least double. i made 40~ brochures and panel badges.............

NINETY-TWO PEOPLE
(give or take a couple)


when we had left the room to take a photo (b/c there was NOT enough room in the panel room they put us in lkghdflkghd) our door counter had clicked off 85 people. which means we gained almost 10!!! between taking the photo and returning to the room lol


click thru for bigger!



a blurry before/during and after - i was fuckin' beat lol. the meet was only an hour, but afterwards i just vegged out on the couches on the 3rd floor and ate lol. kovrick eventually found me and hung out/chatted for awhile before we parted ways and i went to browse the dealer's room and also ran into tutone and jeff again



i left early before the con to go to sweet mary's b/c i wanted a little treat for after the panel. i ended up standing in line for 20!! MINUTES b/c folks were picking up pączki x_x and the lady in front of me bought the last three red velvet macarons :( so i tried the grapefruit+honey and got a meyer lemon one instead

also had a little spending money b/c the irs actually gave me my federal tax return this year! so i bought some snackies (some of which i still haven't tried) and some stickers for my work planner and some pins lol (i'm scoping out tortie pins now, since snickers' passing). also traded some of my zines for a vampire zine!! the artist is vampyrbites

kitkats i got are:
- strawberry shortcake
- strawberry chocolate cake
- milk tea
- wholewheat flour biscuit (graham cracker-ish, apparently)

---

sunday, i returned to pathfinder (missed the previous week's session b/c i was replacing the alternator) to this scene



we survived, no one died, but one of the kobolds got cursed??? we're dealing with the aftermath of that now. it's A Lot!!

---

other than that, not a ton of anything monumental going on. i lost one of my nice gloves while running errands on friday. had d&d on saturday and had some tasty food and made everyone valentine's treat bags. sort of zoned out for a lot of sunday between pathfinder and stuff. it was too cold to go out and do anything (we got a layer of snow friday night), so i just putzed around the house instead

it's supposed to be nice!!! this week - in the 50's. we had our first false spring a week or two ago, but i'm grabbing on to any bit of warmth and thoughts of spring i can get

thinking about starting seeds indoors way earlier this year. i need to sort out the porch, as well. a lot of stuff has accumulated and i want to get things organized/start seeing what stuff is necessary/brings joy/want to keep and stuff we don't really need b/c it feels like the house is starting to get claustrophobic after five years here. if nothing else, organize stuff in totes if it's not getting used, i suppose

but! looking forward to spring! it, at least, gives me more things to distract myself from [gestures broadly]

god it's ONLY been two weeks since my last actual post? fucking hell

on friday i started the car and there was white smoke and squealing - telltale signs of a belt going. figured. okay. serpentine belt, who knows when it was last replaced, that's not the end of the world. asked friend andrew if he'd help out sometime this coming week b/c it was gonna be nice out and he offered to come over sunday

friday night is D&D, which is always enjoyable. tony came along this time and we had some fun interactions with our characters

saturday i worked, but it was pretty quiet/slow overall

sunday rolls around and i'd WANTED to sleep in b/c i passed on going to breakfast bowl, but my body decided it'd be cool and fun and neat to wake up at 8:41AM z_x so i cleaned a little and put some laundry in and played destiny for a bit until andrew showed up and we looked at the car and

✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:* IT WAS THE ALTERNATOR *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

so i had to drop $130 (down from $170 b/c andrew has a corp acct with his business) that i didn't have on a new alternator (+ another $30 on the serpentine belt) and we spent the afternoon swapping it out. the most difficult/frustrating part was getting the old alt OUT b/c of where it's located and the space being so tight there. we had to do a lot of unscrewing parts of the grill/radiator area (wanted to pull the radiator fan out but there was a little clippy we couldn't unclip down at the bottom) to give us just enough space to extract it. putting the new one in wasn't as bad, just a lot of slim space to get the wrench down into and put those long bolts back in

but she started right back up happily, so that's one thing solved. just gotta make sure she gets driven more often b/c that was a big part of it going

also, the battery light isn't on anymore! amazing! i spent SO much time learning how to use a multimeter, checking every fuse in the car, fighting with the battery, considering how to dismantle the dash in case it was something the aftermarket radio was fucking up x_x

now, it's monday and i'm at work and all i want is, like, a week off to just reset

i have to call the debt guy today and see if the fact my taxes got offset, can i just count that for january's payment b/c i haven't paid him since, i think, very end of november and now that i had to spend all this money on the car, i sure as fuck don't have $500 set aside for that now

i'm also going to try to file all my back state taxes b/c i never really bothered since it was always under $100, but all that change will go directly towards my debt with the offset so i'm hoping that can shave some of what i owe off

my landlord is also coming out tonight to renew our lease and our rent is going up, like, $70 x_x which, with the laundry tacked on (he charges us $35 to use the washer/dryer), rent's gonna be $800 _(:ι」∠)_

so, basically, everything is still garbage and i want to decompose in the woods!!!!

the new year continues to punch me squarely in the face

this week has been...whew

the bad thing, first

snickers took a nosedive health-wise. she deteriorated really quickly. she slept on my chest for hours in the evening after work, barely moving. i made her a nice little cozy nest in a tote and parked it by my side of the bed so i could check on her periodically. she didn't try to escape. she ended up passing in her sleep (thank goodness)

Born in Akron, adopted some 14~ years ago from a home she wasn't thriving in due to a small dog and a toddler, Snickers took a long time (years!) to warm up to us, but once she did she was the most personable, cat-like cat of all the cats we had. Full of textbook torti-tude and a love of shouting really loudly about things at all hours of the day.

She loved napping in sunbeams on the porch, eating spider plants and wheatgrass, holding hands and incessantly tapping at people for their attention, and perching in windows and the front door to observe her kingdom.

it's less hard than when sammy died - i know she was old and she had a good, long life. i wish she would've lived longer, but i don't get to make those decisions

she liked coming with me into the basement - the only one of the cats brave enough to - and wandering around shouting or trying to hunt the big-ass cave crickets. she was demanding about water, always wanting the dish freshly filled and god forbid if one of the other cats got to it before she did. she liked to wrassle with finnick and i AM worried about him from here on out (beans doesn't care for him AND he got super cat depressed after jem died and hid and lost a lot of weight)

her favorite toys were things she'd scavenged from around the house - blow pops (she was front declawed - not our choice) because they clattered around and she could grab them, piece of hay from a broom, milk rings, etc., etc. she wasn't a big cuddler, only on her terms, but she liked to lay between me and the keyboard on my desk and use my arm as a pillow

she'd been more cuddly this last year and i tried my best to be real mindful of it to kind of cement those memories. she was so personable and charming and was very CAT cat-like. she had a little far-off thunderstorm purr, but a real loud, raspy voice that we always joked was like a pack-a-day truck stop waitress. she had a 'pale foot' that we always teased and when she'd fight us for poking at it her little front paws were SO strong

(also absolutely unsurprising that she passed a few days after i spent TWENTY FOUR DOLLARS on some critical care food for her)

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now, other stuff, including the good things

i called off friday to focus on the snickers situation. friday evening both tony and i went to chris' surprise birthday shenanigans at dave & buster's in canton. we DID manage to pull off actually surprising him, which was a TASK for all of us lol - we had a good time. ate good food, had good chatter. played a bunch of games, including playing DDR for the first time since the early/mid 00's!!! (at least, on an actual arcade machine) i would've blown all my credits on it, tbh

DDR WIPED tony out, tho. he ended up playing three rounds and had to take a solid half hour break before we went back out and played some midway games to blow the rest of the credits on our card. he ended up winning 500 tickets from the little jurassic park car game and got a cute raptor (i think) plush from the prize place and a mystery egg. i got two spiky light up balls lol - chris got a whole bag of squishy squids and made everyone pick one out. it was a good night with friends, and a welcome distraction

i squeeze in ONE more round of DDR for myself and had a pretty good play!

drug my ass out of bed saturday morning for work (which was pretty chill overall) and was only minorly sore from the four rounds of DDR the previous night. spent most of the day cutting and folding some more matchbook zines



after work, went to D&D. which was............whoo, boy. the vibes. not great. not much got accomplished, but we DID try malort, which was absolutely vile - like gasoline and furniture polish

today, have pathfinder. kailani got revived last session! she gets a cool physical change and some other +1 bonuses for the next week since the priests got a crit success on her resurrections. i gave her a cool new tail and a little update to her clothing since heroforge has some more options and updated some model pieces. i also bought two tattoos for her - 'navigator's star' and 'triangular teeth' - i gotta figure out where to put the latter


before | | | | | | | after

last long weekend of december - i got really lucky with how i was scheduled off for the holidays! i only worked thirteen days!! everything else was holiday or PTO, minus two sick days i took (after i wiped out on the scooter and then last week when i woke up in the middle of the night with the shakes and then, later, too hot)

went over friends and played games on saturday evening - both my island and clue escape. they had played my city before, but got andrew the island one for xmas. i really like it! a mish-mash between catan and carcassone kinda. clue escape was fun, as well (i like clue anyhow), but kinda linear! good for a single play and then pass it on to someone else. but i liked the mechanics and the puzzles

sunday was pathfinder - we are still trudging through the gauntlight and things are getting tenser as a lot of our time-based things are ticking down quickly. plus, our ranger's dog just got mummy cursed, so now that's also on our plate!

my brain-time was all screwed up b/c i'm so used to playing pathfinder then doing last minute weekend things before i have to go to bed for work on monday, but since it was new years day we have it off for the holiday so i ended up awake until 5am fgkldhgldfhg but i cleaned my desk up a bit and played some destiny for tony and continued to hyperfocus on flight rising lol

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the latter has been a good distraction from [gestures broadly] and also snickers' cold or whatever she has going on. stressing me tf out. i went out sunday morning and bought a bunch of different wet foods for her and all she cares about are those churu tubes and, like, the bisques! FOUR DOLLAR HUMAN GRADE WET FOODS and she's like 'eh'. but idc as long as she's eating something. she's also been eating some of the nutrical when i offer it to her

it's just frustrating b/c i don't have any money to take her to the vet, so i'm doing what i can to keep her going in hopes that this is just a cold or something she has going on. she's not hiding from us, which is good. she's acting close to normal, for someone who's not feeling well - she sleeps on the bed or in her spots by the window or on my desk. she hangs out with me a little bit at my desk, she goes and naps on the bed. she gets up and drinks or mills around and sometimes shouts at us. so with all that i'm hoping she's just under the weather. she's still interested in food, she's just not eating a ton at once

i've got a really highly rated recoup liquid coming on wednesday for her, so i'm hoping that will help, as well. and, like, she's old, i know. she's gonna be ~14 this year, but i'm just pointedly not thinking about that

especiallyyyyyyyyy after someone posted the linney's death comic and someone else posted tiktok screencaps of someone apologizing to their cat after they tried to commit suicide - the latter of which had me full on ugly crying at the bus stop sunday morning

---

which rounds me to spending most of the middle of the night last night making a zine of the little bit of writing i did about drowning in the bathtub



i was feeling really miserable a few weeks ago and laying in the tub wetting my hair and thinking about stopping existing for awhile while beans stared down at me from the toilet seat (he loves to hang out in the bathroom with me). it feels a little contrived - i wrote it in google keep while sitting in the tub afterwards lol. but it's okay that it's contrived and messy, that's kind of how life is sometimes

i really like page 4, tho

but, yeah. something about the juxtaposition between the desire to not exist in the moment and then just continuing on. finishing washing your hair, moving forward

EDIT: i feel i need to stress i am fine. i am not suicidal, but i get these kinds of suicidal ideations from time to time where i just want a break from existing. shit's been garbage life-wise, especially the last three months, so the stress is just bound to pile up eventually and make me go 'wow a trip to the other side for a couple weeks would be nice'

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my mom's coming out tomorrow to hang out. i think we're gonna go out to medina b/c there's a plant nursery that was selling tiger jaws on etsy for awhile and i'm hoping i can snag a new one for tony, since his died at the beginning of last year

there's also an antique mall and some cute shops around their downtown area
Black Cat Books & Oddities
Blackbird Records
Operation Fandom

it's also supposed to be kinda nice temp-wise, so it should be a nice day out doing something

then, on wednesday, i'm back to work! and i gotta work BOTH friday/saturday since i got tuesday off lol

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coming back around to thoughts i forgot about lol

zipcon is next month and, while they haven't sent out vendor acceptances yet, i DID get accepted for the year covid hit. but i wish i had a couple extra bucks to get some new stickers or something. i'll be able to have zines, and i still have most of my acrylic charms and a ton of my personal fursona pin. but i'd like some stickers of recent art from the last couple years

oh-- i've got patches, too. i COULD get some more of them made, i suppose.

i'll also be able to have a bunch of zines, obviously. like, i'll probably be OKAY for a little one day anime con at a university lol

long weekend was long

d&d was nice! i ended up getting tomato gouda bread and some nice chocolates and kolachi to take and folks really enjoyed everything! also literally no one there knew what kolachi (nut roll) was!!! i was FLABBERGASTED. all but one person grew up in ohio, kolachi is a holiday staple! i had to explain what it was lghklkghdflgkd

but it must be a warren/niles/youngstown thing up here, b/c upon retrospect i do remember it being less visible in grocery stores during the holidays - ex: the fancy bread place didn't make it (tho they had kifli, which has a similar sort of nut filling) and i had to go to giant eagle to find any. but it was always around for the holidays in my family and it's SO good. but people liked it, so i'm glad i could expose folks to a new sweet X3

friday night, tony fell and split his lip in the middle of the night. thankfully, it didn't end up being SUPER serious. it cut through under his lower lip, but only a small bit. it's since began healing up nicely

saturday i slept TEN HOURS somehow. came home from d&d, went to bed around 4am-ish, and then just..........slept. but i guess my body needed it. ran out in the evening to get some last minute xmas dinner things

sunday i went to breakfast bowl with chris, sam, and andrew. i was dragging in the morning, but honestly the game helped me wake up a bit. afterwards, went to books-a-million with chris and sam before getting dropped off back home. i THINK ended up taking a little nap lol

monday was xmas, tho we didn't DO anything. loafed around and played destiny. we didn't buy gifts this year b/c we're broke and also it hasn't felt like the holidays anyhow lol. it was 60F over the weekend and the sun was out on xmas, so i had the windows open and put the plants out on the porch and made dinner (small ham, pull apart cheese bread tree, hashbrown casserole)

tuesday early morning (like, 4am) i woke up and rolled over and then just felt like i couldn't get warm despite being under two blankets. i ended up just sitting in bed for, like, an hour, uncontrollably shaking before i was able to lay back down and try to sleep. woke up around 6am and i was too warm and couldn't get comfortable and that lasted for a couple hours. i had decided when i initially woke up i was gonna play it safe and take a sick day, at least. so when i was able to finally sleep it was consistent. when i woke up later on i felt like i'd been hit by a truck x_x

it was SO bizarre b/c i didn't have any queasiness/nausea or anything, nothing that pointed to, like, a sudden illness. just a bunch of shaking and then too warm for awhile. was super weird. tony said maybe it's a pre-menopause symptom or something, cause i can't figure any other source

now i'm back at work until saturday and then i'm off until the 3rd (but i gotta work next fri/sat/sun :P)

d&d tomorrow and i've spent the day debating on what i want to bring for foodstuff and i WAS gonna go to sweet mary's, but instead i think i'm gonna take the bus out to fairlawn breads and get one of my FAVE breads (tomato gouda) and some pastries instead and maybe grab a fancy cheese or two from mustard seed

i'm also off until tuesday, but i def need to do some housecleaning [pointedly does not look at the kitchen rn], so i'll have to make time for that

we had our little holiday party at work - just pizza and whatever we felt like bringing. coworkers made cookies, manager bought pizza (they also sent us two??? we only asked for one???? two whole-ass sheet pizzas - so we gave one to the teens for their program snack today, since it was also their last day before winter break), i grabbed chips and some plastic cups and some candy from the family dollar lol (i closed last night/opened this morning, so i wasn't going to stress about bringing anything). our manager was also out at 1pm for a manager's meeting at another branch, so it was a pretty chill day overall

it's gonna be 50/60F this weekend, for christmas lol. i don't mind the warmer weather, but it's also like 😬 when it comes to the climate. it also snowed on monday (quite a bit, actually, a decent little storm)

i've simmered down slightly about it, but i took the bus this morning and it fuckin DIDN'T TAKE THE ROUTE IT SHOULD HAVE (down a side st to get to the stop across from my work) and just KEPT FUCKIN GOING UP THE FUCKING HILL with no offer of 'hey if you needed a stop in this neighborhood.....'

so i had to fuckin trudge down the hill to my work and ended up being a half hour late instead of, like, 10mins

the driver hesitated where they normally should've turned b/c the street wasn't salted/plowed yet, WHICH IS FINE, but offer people an alternate stop than the ones you passed up?????

just, deeply aggravating. i could've walked to get the goddamn scooter and then gotten to work probably ON TIME but i opted for the bus just b/c i figured it'd be warmer/easier and it ended up being Just Another Thing™ to add to my endless annoyances lately

but at least our manager is out today and we've been pretty quiet all morning. hopefully it'll stay like that b/c i just don't have it in me for any chaos (tho i will still navigate it with ease lol)

this morning was going perfectly fine and then i hit a near-invisible patch of wet leaves coming out of the mcd's parking lot and fully wiped the fuck out on the scooter in the road. scooter went one way, i went the other way and slid on the road

i'm fine, just got the wind knocked out of me - landed on my chest/front and thankfully was wearing my big wool jacket which i think helped cushion the fall (and kept me from getting all road-grodey RIGHT BEFORE WORK). button got ripped off my coat, but can be sewn back on at least

right arm is sore b/c i did hit the ground with it first. right knee/shin, as well. but mostly just lightly battered by the fall lol. might've pinched or rattled a nerve in my arm, my pinky and ring finger are pretty sore and kinda tingly now and then. i'm gonna keep an eye on it and see if it improves or gets worse over the next day or two. if it's feeling sketchy, i'll have to hit up the ER or something since we're without medicaid atm!!! but everything is moving normally otherwise so i think it's just a pinch. feels like my funny bone was whacked for the most park (i remember using my hand to help me fall, but i might've also landed a bit on my arm, can't quite remember)

THENNNN on the way to work the scooter decides to just 'hmmm feels like maintenance mode time!!!' halfway there, so i had to walk and find a second one, but thankfully there was one just down at the circle k on the next block

either way, frustrating!!! i spent all autumn being careful with the leaf piles/leaves in the road b/c i KNEW how slippery they could be for something like a bike or scooter and this patch was nearly invisible. if i'd been going straight i probably would've been okay, but i was turning out of the drive

this has been my little five day 'vacation' (originally took the time off for tony's surgery, but it got cancelled and i had the days already PTO'd, so). i planned on doing a lot of housekeeping but i............have not :X

first two days spent just playing destiny and vegging out lol. i cleaned up/reorganized the living room last weekend, so i didn't need to do that. the kitchen still needs some tidying (ugh), so it's not AWFUL but my side of the bedroom is kind of mess and i'm just uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh about it rn

ran out yesterday to gabes and scored

- another pair of work pants (good job past me for going thru all my jeans and making a note to myself somewhere accessible what size/brands they all were so i don't have to always try brands on that i know i've owned before) and

- a cute red knitted sweater (i've never had much in the way of cold weather/winter clothing outside of hoodies, which i can't wear to work/on the floor, so i figured i would try to find some nice sweatshirts/sweaters/long sleeves this year for cheap).

- two new bras (my past two were starting to fray a bit, they're those microfiber seamless ones), one being a cute, like, crop top kind of thing? and the other a sports bra. like, i have Regular Bras with wire and everything, but it's just nicer to wear the comfy pull over ones on the daily than the uncomfortable wire ones that, sure, make my tits look great, but at what cost?

- a KIGURUMI?? FOR $8???? it's a leopard gecko and i thought tony would like it lol

spent a little more than i intended, but at least most of it was necessity kind of stuff for work

today, i've been bumming around. we were gonna run errands, but they're doing road work DIRECTLY in front of our house, so i think we're just waiting? maybe tomorrow.

but the weather has been nice today - 60F and sunny. which, yeah, Not Great for December, but i get to put the plants on the porch for a day or two (supposed to also be nice tomorrow) and open all the windows

i don't have much to say about november. it was long and yet somehow it's suddenly december. it was a slog, but d&d and thanksgiving were nice, as was getting to see the era's tour movie with sam